Welcome or welcome back to SelfWork. I'm Dr. Margaret. We're going to be talking about abuse and whether you allowed it or not today. But first, let's hear from our sponsors.

This is Selfwork and I'm Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

At Self-Work, we discuss psychological and emotional issues and what you can do about them,

whether that's learning self-acceptance, taking action, or seeking therapy or treatment.

Eight years ago, I extended the walls of my practice to reach those of you who might already

be knowledgeable about middle health treatment, but also to those of you who might say

you'd never darken the door of a therapist.

And yet, you are here.

I'll answer your questions while I invite you to take a few minutes for your own self-work.

Second, what it tells me or suggests to me, although I'm not absolutely certain, that somehow

that allowance or that self-blame helped them push away the reality of the pain that was

inherent in their family, that no one protected them, that no one was there for them

or took care of them. That really hurts and hurts deeply. parent in their family, that no one protected them, that no one was there for them,

which took care of them, that really hurts and hurts deeply.

Welcome to this week's edition of self-work.

When listener told me recently that she wondered for a long time, did I allow my abuse,

how many of you feel shame about this or even blame? And does that blame make it even more important to keep what happened secret? You bet it can. It's this irrational shame and blame we're

going to tackle today on self-work because you're looking back on what happened with the eyes of an adult,

not through the eyes of the child you were. Blaming is even a way of distancing

yourself or discounting the actual problems that existed, because basically, if you blame yourself,

then you modify or discount the chaos or the emptiness of what exactly the situation was.

If you make something simple, like, it was all my fault, which you were told often anyway,

...