If you've been around for a while, you may have heard that we say you must have "0 arguments" in your marriage. 

"But that's not normal."

"But that's not healthy."

"But that means someone is not being honest."

Well, firstly, it's not my rule. 

Among many other verses, let's look at Romans 1:29, 30, 32; 2:1, 2.

"They have become filled with every kind of wickedness... murder, strife... gossips... arrogant and boastful..." 

"Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them..."

"Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness... God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance"

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Let's not take God's kindness for granted.

Allow His patience and kindness with us to lead us to repentance.  Let us not take liberties because we haven't been "smitten" yet.

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I'll assume we're on the same page with the thoughts around no arguments, so how do you communicate differences? 

Are differences of opinion or disagreements allowed in a marriage?

YES. 

But the marital relationship is unlike any other relationship. 

There is a unity that is not like any other relationship.

Thus, things must be sorted through in a way that does not compromise unity. 

It matters how healthy your marriage is right now. 

Some topics may need to wait until you're healthier before it's wise to bring it up.

I have several practical ways of looking at this that I am excited to share. 

May God bless you in this discernment of His way in your relationship. 

Love, 

Belah

PS - Here is a free tool called the Marital Health Assessment to help you evaluate where you currently are in your marital health: delightyourmarriage.com/health

PPS - Do you want help healing your marriage? We can help, and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Client Testimonial:

Before MR: "The biggest struggles were that my wife and I had a gap between us and we were moving farther and farther away from each other.

My wife would use my shared vulnerabilities immediately against me and was constantly mothering/telling me what to do and how to do it. We had physically separated in the home and arguments hinting at divorce were starting to creep in. Our marriage was sick. 

Playfulness had long since gone from it, and the priorities of life and the world were weighing on us. I highly preferred not to be in the same room with her versus being around her."

After MR:  "I have grown to love my wife.

I have grown to know God loves me enough to give me the miracle of a refreshed marriage—one that I'd hoped and prayed for but wasn't sure I was worthy of the help. And I'm not. But He granted it anyway and it has made ALL the difference. 

We are sharing plans and hopes for our future a lot more. We are making better decisions together."