417. Coaching Hotline: Codependency & Anger
UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone
Kara Loewentheil
4.6 • 5.5K Ratings
🗓️ 26 August 2025
⏱️ 12 minutes
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Summary
In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer two relationship questions—one about wanting more time with your partner, the other about lingering anger when your needs feel unmet. Both reveal the same underlying problem: telling yourself you should feel differently. You’ll learn how to explore your anger and anxiety without adding guilt or shame. Plus, I show you how thought work can be used to get out of cycles of self-blame and to make choices about relationships from a place of insight rather than reaction.
Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/417
Mentioned in this episode:
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I've got something for you. It's absolutely free and it's called The 3 Things I Wish I'd Known Before Becoming a Life Coach. This is the exact resource I wish I'd had a decade ago when I got my start. To download it, go to: https://the-school-of-new-feminist-thought.captivate.fm/three
Click here to download: 3 Things I Wish I'd Known Before Becoming a Life Coach
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to unfuck your brain. I'm your host Kara Lowentile, master-certified coach, and founder of the School of New Feminist Thought. I'm here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you're truly excited to live. |
| 0:21.3 | Let's go. |
| 0:24.8 | Welcome to this week's coaching hotline episode where I answer real questions from real listeners |
| 0:31.2 | and coach you from afar. |
| 0:33.6 | If you want to submit your question for consideration, go to unfuck your brain.com forward slash |
| 0:39.5 | coaching hotline, all one word, or text your email to plus one 347-997-1784. |
| 0:48.0 | And when you get prompted for the code word, it's coaching hotline, all one word. |
| 0:52.6 | Let's get into this week's questions. So these questions are both |
| 0:57.4 | about relationships, but in kind of very different ways. So first one is, I have a thought that tells me I should |
| 1:03.3 | not want to see my partner all the time and that I should want to be alone more than I actually want to. |
| 1:08.5 | This thought makes me feel anxious and concerned that I'm placing all my |
| 1:11.1 | happiness in my partner's hands or time for me. He loves his alone time and values it highly. |
| 1:15.9 | How do I learn to value my time alone above time with my partner? Okay, so there's a lot of directions |
| 1:21.9 | to take this coaching, but I really just want to start with this. Anytime you tell yourself that |
| 1:26.7 | you should think or feel |
| 1:28.4 | differently than you do, you are just asking for trouble. That is never going to be helpful. |
| 1:34.3 | One of the reasons you feel anxious is that you're telling yourself that your thoughts and feelings are |
| 1:37.9 | wrong and they should be different. And then you can't coach yourself with the goal of I should |
| 1:43.5 | value this more than this. |
| 1:44.8 | That doesn't work. |
| 1:45.9 | When you do that, what's happening is you think you've identified, this is so important |
| 1:49.7 | for all you, whether you're, you think it's about relationships or not. |
... |
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