The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello, Bugleers and welcome to issue 4165 of the Bugle audio newspaper for a visual world with me.

And, as always, I'm coming to you live from Old Trafford Cricket Ground in Manchester,

where I'm in the final few days of my unexpectedly a cricketers summer.

If you want to hear what a cricket ground sounds like at 9 o'clock in the morning,

when nothing's going on and I've got the window shut, this is it.

Pretty special, I think you'll agree.

Joining me from Sydney, Australia, it's the zero-time Olympic 15-meter human catapult individual

gold medalist, Alice Fraser. Hello, Andy. Hello, Bugleers. I hope you're all well there.

I am well here, except there appears to be a rescue helicopter going on quite close by,

so it's nothing that makes you feel well other than knowing that other people nearby are doing

really badly. That's basically what powers international politics essentially, isn't it?

Deplancy. It will have a different dream. It's rage inflation.

And, joyous also from London. It's the man who has never once claimed that he once saved the

life of an injured leopard cub by putting on a leopard print leotard and sleeping with a

stricken young cat in a tree and feeding it pastromy bagels until it's mother returned from a

working holiday in the Serengeti Nishkumar. Hello, Andy. Hello, Alice. Hello, Bugleers.

Andy, a couple of weeks ago, I caught some more flak in sections of the British press

for lacking impartiality in my comedy. So in the spirit of impartiality, I will say it's nice to

see you both, and also it isn't. And he can both go f**k yourselves.

We're learning this. Life skills we pick up. I am absolutely fascinated by the fact that you

are currently living out what I assume is the plot of a short story you wrote when you were

...