413. You're not for everyone? GOOD!
The Psychology of your 20s
iHeartPodcasts
4.8 • 1.7K Ratings
🗓️ 4 May 2026
⏱️ 38 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
It’s easy to believe that being liked by as many people as possible is a positive attribute. But when we chase this, we risk compromising our sense of identity, alienating ourselves from others, and being confused and burnt out by a string of inauthentic connections. In this episode, we examine what drives us to people please, acknowledge our need for human connection, and learn to recognise how to shift unhealthy patterns towards healthier, self-soothing ones.
We explore:
• What drives our need to belong
• The science behind why others don’t think about us as much as we imagine
• Why being a social chameleon can make others distrust you
• Why constant social monitoring is a waste of mental energy
• How we can reframe our thinking to recognise if we truly like someone, rather than just enjoy being liked
Watch on Netflix: HERE
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com
Our favourite sources:
https://unwantedlife.me/the-spotlight-effect-and-social-anxiety-all-eyes-on-me
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8405711/
The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed human. |
| 0:08.5 | Hello everybody. I'm Jemma Spike and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast |
| 0:14.6 | where we talk through the biggest changes, moments and transitions of our 20s and what they |
| 0:20.7 | mean for our psychology. |
| 0:27.5 | Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. It is so great to |
| 0:32.8 | have you here back for another episode before we get into it. I want to remind you all that this episode of the |
| 0:41.8 | podcast and so many others are now available on Netflix, not just in the US, not just in Canada, |
| 0:49.0 | but in the UK, in Australia, in Germany, in Malaysia, in South Africa, just to name a few. |
| 0:56.8 | So if you are a fan of watching a podcast as you listen to it, this is your chance. |
| 1:01.7 | You can go and watch a video episode of the podcast right now, right this very second, |
| 1:08.5 | just by searching the psychology of your 20s on your Netflix app. |
| 1:13.0 | Go ahead, give it a go, see what all the fuss is about. |
| 1:16.9 | And I sincerely hope that you enjoy it. |
| 1:19.9 | Today, we are talking about one of the greatest freedoms I think we can experience as human beings, |
| 1:31.4 | realizing that not everyone will like you and simply no longer caring. What a beautiful thing. I truly think the second chapter of life |
| 1:37.0 | begins when you come to understand that you cannot be liked by everyone and truly that is in fact a privilege. It is a privilege for that |
| 1:48.4 | to be the case. Like most of us, I think I grew up believing that there was a direct correlation |
| 1:54.2 | between my happiness and the more people who liked me. The more people who found me pleasant, |
| 1:59.4 | enjoyable, interesting, fun to be around, the more |
| 2:02.8 | fulfilled I would be. All of these like compulsions emerge from that belief system that probably |
| 2:11.0 | and definitely have made me actually a lot less happy. They've probably also made me a worse friend. |
| 2:16.6 | I think they've made me a worse |
... |
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