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Gender: A Wider Lens

4 - Why Do People Seek a New Identity?

Gender: A Wider Lens

Sasha Ayad and Stella O'Malley

Health & Fitness, Society & Culture, Mental Health

4.6961 Ratings

🗓️ 1 January 2021

⏱️ 66 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Quick Notes:

Why do people seek to ​change genders​? What drives a person to ​curate​ a brand new identity? In this episode, Sasha and Stella look beyond a literal understanding of​​ transitioning and explore the​ psychological power and vulnerability of attempting transformation​​.

Links:

Hacsi Horvath on Erin Brewer

Queer in the Crib

Gender Dysphoria is not One Thing

Extended Notes:

  • Why do people want to transition?
  • Let’s clear up some misconceptions today about trans people.
  • Why do little children between the ages of three and five have gender dysphoria?
  • Which comes first? Gender nonconformity, then sexuality, or is it the other way around?
  • People can just tell when a child is developing gender-nonconforming traits.
  • What makes a child become gender-nonconforming in the first place? Stella offers some of her insights.
  • There is an instinctive grab for attention when siblings come along and this might create thoughts/feelings of, “If I were the other gender I’d get more attention like the way my brothers (or sisters) are getting.”
  • It’s very hard to parent a strong-willed child, but they tend to do great things if you can handle the storm.
  • It can be hard as a parent. The desire to save face when your child is rebelling can be very difficult to manage.
  • Why would a child in their teenage years be looking to transition?
  • Perhaps the desire to be a different gender, someone other than you, helps teens feel more in control of their developing bodies.
  • Teens constantly being asked “What are you?” by adults adds an extra layer of pressure to their identity.
  • How can a more sensitive and non-aggressive boy get the attention of the girls?
  • When a guy reveals he’s trans or transitioning, all of sudden he’s getting more attention from the girls than ever before.
  • Why don’t you hear more about transvestism anymore?
  • Do children just need to “suck it up”?
  • Adults really underestimate the mental toll puberty can have on children.
  • Some children don’t even explore the option of transitioning into another gender because they didn’t even realize that they could.
  • We tell children they can be anything they wish! Well, how stressful is that for a child who doesn’t even know who they are?
  • What do you do when a young child is influenced by social media?
  • There are so many options to pick an identity or gender pronoun. It’s stressful for a child to pick “who” they are.
  • The more accepted transgender identities become, the more people will be asking masculine women when they plan to transition. That’s exhausting and insulting.
  • What does it really mean to be a “woman” or to be a “man”?
  • We want excitement. For some people, it’s exciting to call yourself a different pronoun. It’s new, it’s different, it makes you stand out.
  • Even if you change your gender, you still wake up the same person on the inside.
  • Sasha believes there should be a mandate for psychological exploration before taking a big decision like a gender change.

This podcast is partially sponsored by ReIME, Rethink Identity Medicine Ethics:

Rethinkime.org

Learn more about our show: Linktr.ee/WiderLensPod



This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.widerlenspod.com/subscribe

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

You're listening to gender, a wider lens.

0:04.0

I'm Stella O'Malley, a psychotherapist in Ireland.

0:06.5

And I'm Sasha Ayad, an adolescent therapist in the United States.

0:10.6

Since 2016, my practice has been exclusively dedicated to gender questioning teens

0:16.1

and families impacted by gender dysphoria. I also work with gender questioning

0:20.7

teenagers and I facilitated support meetings for families and

0:24.2

individuals who have been impacted by gender issues. We're curious about the

0:28.1

concept of gender and how it's unfolding in the wider culture. Join us as we look at gender through a wider lens.

0:35.0

Hi Sasha.

0:38.0

Hi Stella.

0:40.0

So today's episode will hopefully be interesting for people where we're going to try and look beyond the surface story.

0:48.0

What is going on for people who want to transition? Why do people want to transition? What is it that it gives them? What is it from a

0:56.6

psychological level will it provide? And we want to kind of, I suppose, there go there and all I look at all the

1:05.4

different corners and all the kind of I think an awful lot has been presumed

1:09.7

around trans and I think hopefully you and I will be able to go deeper than that.

1:15.3

I think so you know the surface story is a very medical one it's very biological. Transition is meant to align the person with the

1:26.6

identity they feel. Someone else might say transition is a way to change

1:31.9

secondary sex characteristics and I guess on a surface I would say

1:37.1

I understand that I acknowledge that but I do think there are much much deeper things going on that at least I have

1:46.0

become curious about as I've worked with dysphoric young people.

1:50.0

So where shall we start?

1:54.0

Maybe will we start with the little kids?

...

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