#397: Loss Prevention Officer with Joe List

Ari Shaffir's Skeptic Tank

Ari Shaffir

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4.6 • 6.7K Ratings

🗓️ 11 August 2020

⏱️ 130 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Joe List came over to tell me about his years working theft prevention at a Sears outside Boston. These are great stories about being exactly my enemy at one of my passions, shoplifting.

Put this podcast down and go right now to watch Joe's new standup special, "I Hate Myself" on YouTube now.

And check out his podcasts, "Tuesdays With Stories" and "Mindful Metal Jacket"

This episode is brought to you by Kushy Dreams. Go to KushyDreams.com and enter promo code "Ari" to get 15% off your first order. It was their life's mission to sponsor a podcast where a comic talks about ways around paying for things from stores that went out of business due to too much loss from shoplifting. I've done right by my guidance counselor, Mrs Rabinowitz. She said she believed in me despite what my efforts showed and now she's right. RIP.

Boston is home to the Super Beef Threeway.

Transcript

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0:00.0	The best way to steal if you want to steal from a department store
0:03.3	Okay, that I want to know you're your fucking hidden. How do you beat the system from the inside?
0:07.5	I would I would say two things no one ever did this that I know of two things is one a
0:13.5	distraction
0:15.5	With like injury or seizure or whatever like if somebody cuz that's all lost to cuz they can suit
0:19.9	So a rack falls on their head you spray in your ankle you slip and fall
0:24.4	That you have one person do that pretend to fucking spray an ankle cuz then we're all working on it
0:29.1	Cuz we only have three or four people at a time wow, okay, that's kind of focused on that and the other thing is minimal time the most successful things were
0:37.4	Grab and go
0:59.1	So
1:05.6	The day so frustrating
1:09.7	I'm trying I'm trying to do this YouTube stuff and you're not to get demonetized
1:14.1	And they tell you if you're cursed in the first 30 seconds that you think they can't
1:18.5	Show the thing
1:20.3	They can't give you money for it. So now you gotta I'm not gonna change completely
1:24.6	But I'm gonna try to not curse for 30 seconds
1:28.3	We're almost there
1:32.3	My god
1:34.5	Anyway you guys how are you?
1:36.7	Welcome to Ari Shafir Skape tank episode
1:40.3	397
1:43.1	The lost prevention officer or maybe I'll call it flim flim man
	...

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