Hello everybody, I'm Jemma Spake and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through the biggest changes, moments and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology.

Hello everybody.

Welcome back to the show.

Welcome back to the podcast.

It is so great to have you here back for another episode

as we of course break down the psychology of our 20s.

Today we're talking about a relationship style, relationship dynamic that many

of you are probably familiar with, either through name or through experience. You may not

have the words to describe it. I know when I first heard about it, I didn't, but it's called the

pursuer-dister dynamic. If you have ever been in a situation where the moment you feel

yourself getting close to somebody, or closer to someone, they pull away, or where you're

constantly wanting more from somebody, asking somebody to meet

your emotional needs, and they just feel incapable of it, or they tell you that they feel

suffocated by you, or that you are too much that they need space, you have likely experienced

this dynamic as a pursuer. Alternatively, if you have ever been in a

relationship, been in a situation where you genuinely feel a little bit overwhelmed and you feel like

you really need time, you really need space, you really need distance to yourself in a relationship.

You really feel pressured by somebody, maybe even getting the ick from their affection,

even though you really like them, you maybe experienced this dynamic as the distancer.

In very, very simple terms, the pursuer, distancer dynamic involves one person seeking a deeper

connection whilst the other person resists it for whatever reason. And this creates a very

frustrating cycle where one person tries to get closer to the other person to fulfill their own

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