This is a Global Player Original podcast.

Ian, are you sucking something?

Might be.

What have you got in your mouth this time? Well it's very hot and you said you were going to be a bit late so I went and raided the freezer

and got a marks on Spencer's ice lolly which I'm proceeding to consume as opposed to suck.

I think people are... What sort is it?

It's a sort of lemon type of one.

Yeah, what shape is it?

What, just like standard lolly shape?

The shape of a penis.

That's what we all hoped you were going to say.

By the way, just on that subject, I would like to reassure people that my rectum is in fine working order.

Oh my God, yeah. What an utter idiot, a horrible person he was.

Should Mr Imran Hussein be listening who tweeted this in response to my announcing

that 15 years ago I ended a civil partnership with John? He said, it's a shame you got married to a man.

I hope your rectum is in good shape. A woman would have been much more beneficial for your health. Well, I am glad that

my rectum is in good shape because it means that I can shit over the likes of you, mate.

I mean, what a horrid thing to bother to say? Right. Now, you're... Leaving me ain't worth it, yeah. Quite. Now, you're...

Leaving me ain't worth it. Quite. Now, talking of leaving me ain't worth it. I'm reliably informed

that you nearly walked off set on Good Morning Britain Loss, Trite. No, I did not.

What did Mr. Pierce done to you? We did have a bit of, he was being, I think, because he was on the super defensive about Boris Johnson.

He was a bit sort of pushy and talked over me and things like that.

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