381. Are friendships REALLY meant to be inconvenient?
The Psychology of your 20s
iHeartPodcasts
4.8 • 1.7K Ratings
🗓️ 2 February 2026
⏱️ 46 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Everyone wants a village? No one wants to be a villager? In a world obsessed with protecting our peace, optimising our time, and cutting off anything that feels draining ... have we accidentally made friendship optional? In this episode, we’re unpacking the psychology behind friendship and why the best ones sometimes make you work harder.
We explore:
-
The viral idea that “inconvenience is the cost of community”
-
The 4 psychological pillars of lasting friendships
-
How much time it actually takes to build a close friend
-
The rise of therapy-speak and how “boundaries” can sometimes become disguised avoidance
- Why conflict isn’t the end of a friendship
-
6 practical ways to “be a villager”
-
When to kick someone out of the village...
If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re asking for too much, giving too much, or slowly drifting from the people you care about, this episode is for you.
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com
The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed human. |
| 0:08.5 | Hello everybody. I'm Jemma Spike and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast |
| 0:14.6 | where we talk through the biggest changes, moments and transitions of our 20s and what they |
| 0:20.7 | mean for our psychology. |
| 0:28.5 | Hello everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. It is so great to have you |
| 0:34.1 | here back for another episode. Guys, I don't know. I feel, I don't know how I feel about my outfit. I'm trying to, I'm like trying at the leopard print today. Is this leopard print? I don't even know anymore. I don't know if, I don't know if this is me. So if you see me like picking at my cardigan today, no, it's because I'm trying out a new identity as somebody bold enough to |
| 0:55.0 | wear leopard print and I'm adjusting. That has literally nothing to do with what we're talking |
| 0:59.8 | about, like literally nothing today. We are going to tackle the biggest question on the internet |
| 1:04.9 | of the era. Are friendships supposed to be inconvenient? |
| 1:15.9 | How much can we actually expect and demand from our friends? |
| 1:21.7 | And have we come to expect too little from people in our lives? |
| 1:28.3 | I am sure that you have seen this phrase out there recently online, specifically on TikTok, maybe on Instagram. |
| 1:31.3 | Inconvenience is the cost of community. Or another one that's very similar is everybody wants the village, nobody wants to be the villager. |
| 1:37.3 | These terms, these phrases have been really hard to miss. |
| 1:40.3 | And I think they're pointing towards this big realization that we're having |
| 1:44.7 | as a society that, you know, the past 20 years have made us one of the most isolated generations |
| 1:52.5 | in history. There has been, you know, the proliferation of social media that was meant to make |
| 1:58.5 | us less lonely has made us lonelier. And a lot of wellness |
| 2:03.0 | content has really focused on protecting our peace and boundaries, but has any of that actually |
| 2:10.6 | made us happier? If we were to look at any loneliness survey, any loneliness study, any |
| 2:17.0 | life satisfaction survey taken in the last |
| 2:19.3 | five years, the answer is pretty obviously, no, we are not happier. Loneliness has literally |
... |
Please login to see the full transcript.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from iHeartPodcasts, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.
Generated transcripts are the property of iHeartPodcasts and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.
Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.