So seven minutes ago, I get an email from you, say, just plugging in and having a wee, how long does it take to have a wee?

You should be bloody grateful, mate, right? Because it was nearly a disaster this evening.

I'm coming back from Leeds, having got up early this morning to do Good Morning Britain.

I have a nice little dose. I wake up in Derby, I think to myself, oh, I've only got another

half an hour before I get to Birmingham New Street. Oh, it's all okay. I'll wake up. Wake up,

sort of, sort of dozing. And then I'm thinking, what are those blokes making a racket for?

Oh, they must have just gone or got on. Wake up sitting in Birmingham New Street with the

announcement that they're just about to leave

and welcoming people onto the train I had to do that horrible sort of you know I'd still got my

phone plugged in I'd got my Kindle out I'd got me coat up the top I'd got my suitcase or else

I did that horrible oh gather your stuff gather your stuff but but but don't look too don't look as if you're panicking, but everybody could see that I was.

I just got, you know, nobody woke me up. No. I mean, that's rude, isn't it? Well, they didn't know that I was such an idiot that I hadn't woken up in the right place. So when you said the train was running 25 minutes late, actually it was your fault.

No, no, no, no.

I managed to clamber off this train with all my bits in, you know, different hands thinking,

what have I left on there?

And then I go across the platform to the one that was going from Birmingham to Malvern.

And that's then running 20 minutes late. So I'm sorry. That's even more boring than my traffic anecdotes.

I thought it was quite exciting, actually. The tension. Will she get off the train or won't she,

you know, will she be taken to Cheltenham or not?

Who replaced me on Good Morning Britain this morning?

Ed Faisy.

I quite like the fact that he's my substitute now.

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