#360: Why Men Have a Hard Time Making Friends in Adulthood

The Art of Manliness

Society & Culture, Education, Philosophy

4.7 • 14.5K Ratings

🗓️ 30 November 2017

⏱️ 48 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

It’s a common trope that adult men don’t value friendship as much as their female counterparts, and that men really don’t need and want friends like women do. But my guest today argues that assumption is wrong and comes from viewing friendship from a strictly female point of view. In fact, based on his research, most adult men very much want good friends but just don’t know how to make them. What’s more, he says, male friendships look different from female ones and we should stop judging the quality of male friendships based on how women do relationships. My guest's name is Geoffrey Greif, and he’s a sociologist and author of the book "Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships." Today on the show, Geoffrey shares the common myths about male friendships, the benefits men get from having friends, and how male friendships are different from female friendships. He then discusses the four types of friends a man will have in his life, how friendship changes as men age, and how fathers have a huge influence on whether their sons will have friends as adults. Geoffrey then shares his research on how couples navigate friendships together and why some brothers are best friends, while others don't talk to each other for years.

Transcript

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0:00.0	[♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪
0:13.9	Brett McKay here and welcome to another edition of the Art of Manliness Podcast.
0:18.1	Let's say common trope that adult men don't value friendship as much as their female counterparts
0:22.8	and that men really don't need or want friends like women do.
0:25.9	But my guest day argues that that assumption is wrong and comes from viewing friendship
0:29.5	from a strictly female point of view.
0:31.4	In fact, based on his research, most adult men very much want good friends, but just don't
0:35.3	know how to make them.
0:36.3	What's more, he says, male friendships look different from female ones and we should
0:39.3	stop judging the quality of male friendships based on how women do relationships.
0:43.6	My guest's name is Jeffrey Greif, he's a professor of sociology at the University of
0:47.1	Maryland and he's the author of the book, Buddy System Understanding Male Friendships.
0:50.8	In today's show, Jeffrey shares the common myths about male friendships.
0:54.3	The benefits men get from having friends and how male friendships are different from female
0:58.4	friendships.
0:59.4	Our guest is the four types of friends that a man will have in his life, how friendship
1:02.5	changes as men age and how fathers have huge influence on both their sons and daughters
1:07.0	and whether they'll have friends as adults.
1:09.0	Jeffrey then shares his research on how couples navigate friendships together and why some
1:13.4	brothers are best friends while others will talk to each other for years even though there's
1:16.6	no grudge there at all.
1:18.1	Really fascinating show.
	...

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