36 Questions to Spark Love and Connection

The Science of Happiness

PRX and Greater Good Science Center

Science, Social Sciences

4.4 • 1.9K Ratings

🗓️ 13 February 2025

⏱️ 25 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

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Can a simple set of 36 questions build love and intimacy? We explore the science behind how the questions we ask and the way we listen shape our closest relationships.

Episode summary: In this episode of The Science of Happiness, we break down the science behind a practice designed to deepen connection—whether in romantic relationships or friendships. We’re joined by Amber and Ben Wallin, the hilarious and heartfelt couple who’ve shared their marriage and parenting journey with millions on TikTok. They put these 36 questions to the test. Later, we’ll dive into the power of listening and how it shapes our relationships with Yale psychologist Jieni Zhou.

This is part of our series The Science of Love, supported by The John Templeton Foundation.

Sign up for The Science of Happiness podcast's 7-Day Love Challenge to receive these science-backed practices delivered directly to your inbox: tinyurl.com/7daylovechallenge

Today’s Guests:

AMBER WALLIN is an LA-based comedian, host, and storyteller with over a million followers on TikTok and Instagram. She creates family, relationship and comedy content with her husband Ben Wallin.
Follow Amber on Instagram: @burr_iam

Follow Amber on TikTok: @burr_iam

BEN WALLIN is a writer, content creator and social media personality who creates family, relationship and comedy content with his wife Amber Wallin.

Follow Ben on Instagram: @beynfluencer

Follow Ben on TikTok: @benjaminwallin5

JIENI ZHOU is a Post-doctoral associate at Yale University and an expert in how positive experiences in romantic relationships impact our well-being.
Learn more about Jieni here: https://tinyurl.com/mr3nkf2s

Related The Science of Happiness episodes:

How 7 Days Can Transform Your Relationship: https://tinyurl.com/bdh2ezhr
Why We Need Friends With Shared Interests: https://tinyurl.com/bp8msacj
Who’s Always There For You: https://tinyurl.com/yt3ejj6w

Related Happiness Breaks:
Meditation on Original Love: https://tinyurl.com/ye6baxv3
Loving Kindness Meditation: https://tinyurl.com/2kr4fjz5
Visualizing Your Best Self in Relationships: https://tinyurl.com/4797z2vf

Tell us about your experience with this practice. Email us at [email protected] or follow on Instagram @HappinessPod.

Help us share The Science of Happiness! Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts and share this link with someone who might like the show: https://tinyurl.com/2p9h5aap

Transcription: https://tinyurl.com/ktcpz78u

Transcript

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0:00.0	This episode was supported by the John Templeton Foundation Initiative,
0:04.0	Spreading Love Through the Media.
0:08.0	So we met on Tinder, America's favorite hookup app at the time, and it was the summer of 2015.
0:15.0	Yep.
0:16.0	And I have been ghosted that summer before, so I was literally just like, let me swipe away and just see who's available to hang out.
0:24.6	Yeah, I was looking for a rebound.
0:25.8	What were you looking for?
0:26.9	I think I was looking for someone
0:30.1	who had similar values of mine.
0:33.4	So I told him, I said,
0:35.8	I'm going to the dog beach with my dog if you want to come.
0:39.7	And he came to the dog beach and we talked on that beach for like, what, maybe like four or five hours or something?
0:46.4	But then he did the thing where he's like, hey, like just so you know, I'm going to be out of town for a couple weeks or so.
0:53.5	And I won't be near a phone.
0:55.0	And I know this is code for like, oh, this is where this ends.
0:57.0	You're gonna go to me.
0:58.0	And Ben was like, no, I'm gonna be with my family in the mountains and this cabin where you won't be able to reach me.
1:03.0	But I'll write to you.
1:04.0	So I was like, you written letters to me and he'd even like
1:10.8	picked a flower from the mountain that you were staying on and those were like folded into the
1:15.5	letters so I was like oh this guy is different the letters have stopped the romance is
1:23.5	stopped I wrote you a letter fairly recently. Oh yeah.
	...

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