Regular regular regular features, a regular regular regular features.

A regular regular features are regular.

Good evening. Good afternoon. Good morning.

I don't know what fucking time of the day it is, but this is regular features, the podcast that's the same every week.

I'm stuck here in this sweltering lovely room with my two best buds one I love Thum merge. Steve Hoggity, say something. Ah, hi. Nice voice. That's not my voice. This is my voice. Hello. When you say a voice that's not yours, I mimic that voice. Who's the other guy? Matt Lee's. It's me, Matt.

It's hot than the devil's bryosh in here. It's roasting. I'm sweaty. We're in my bedroom where I like to keep the temperature nice and hot so that the ladies take off their bras and I can see their tits. It's not true. This is the first time you've listened to this podcast. I'm a gay man and I'm allowed to make jokes about

the end It's not true. This is the first time you've listened to this podcast. I'm a gay man and I'm allowed to make jokes about seeing women on the tits. Titty Titty Titty Titty! Actually, Matt, you're straight. That's not allowed. Oh God, I am. And I'm married. I'm in so much trouble. I got to leave. Let's do a podcast and then I've got to run. Who's got features,

what's all the features about?

I've got a little feature I like to call a feature.

I've got a feature that I like to call poop, poop,

all aboard the gravy boat.

And my feature is about a new line of cosmetics brand

that I like to call dermatoria, and he likes to call it, dermatolieries, 24-hour dermatoliery. Shut the fuck up. It's real. No. Get ready for it. No, no, no, no. It's happening. No, no, no, no. Let's go. Regular features. Regular features. What is a feature coming next? Let us see. Before we begin the podcast proceedings for this evening, I want to tell you a little story about a reader I met in Belgium. Yeah, her and her husband came out to me in and kind of secretly said to me, Ah, we're readers. You know, which is, I love that every now and then. You're like, oh. Secretly, is that they spoke to whilst covered in secretions? Yep, yep. Of your creation. I didn't mean to do it. But look, they came over and she said that she was a civil servant in Belgium. Right. And she said that she would often be kind of walking around listening to stuff.

And at one point she was walking around listening to the podcast whilst in the building

of parliament.

And a particular part of the podcast caused her to crease and then look up with a mad grin

on her face.

And the person in front of her was the Prime Minister of Belgium.

Hey, I thought you were going to say Roger Helmer. He hangs out in Brussels all the time. I think he's a former MEP, but imagine he hangs around just touching at the iPads that everyone else has now. I'll tell you what, though, actually, I kind of, I mean, it's not, I'm not going to lie, the reason that all of these MEPI assholes are really anti-EU is because they are racists. But I've been to Brussels, it's a bit of a shithole. And so I can also imagine why, if the only part of Europe you ever went to was just Brussels via the Eurostar, you'd be like, what's the fucking point of this? I do remember going there and thinking, what the fuck is this doing?

Yeah.

Being a destination.

How dare it?

...