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This week The Cult solves the Syrian civil war:

"Missile strikes are not a war. It's a police action."

"Libertarians are isolationist children who would rather chop off their dicks instead of f*ck the Syrian people."

"Assad is a monster the likes of which we haven't seen since Abraham Lincoln."

AND

The Cult takes on the black thugs who were probably going to rob Starbucks and therefore had to be arrested:

"Cops were just doing their jobs by arresting innocent black men." (tru)

"The black guys planned this in order to cause racism."

"You cant just chill at Starbucks. Relaxation is theft."