3 Mindset Shifts to Build Emotional Resilience | Shireen Rizvi and Jesse Finkelstein

The Art of Charm

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Business, Health & Fitness, Education

4.7 • 11K Ratings

🗓️ 10 November 2025

⏱️ 57 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When emotions clash with reason, clarity feels impossible. In this episode, AJ and Johnny sit down with psychologists Dr. Shireen Rizvi and Dr. Jesse Finkelstein — coauthors of Real Skills for Real Life — to explore how Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) turns emotional chaos into calm, actionable wisdom. They break down DBT’s balance of change and acceptance, show how to identify “skills deficits” behind recurring struggles, and reveal why mindfulness and emotional awareness are the foundation of resilience. You’ll learn how to use DBT’s practical frameworks — including the Wise Mind and DEAR MAN skills — to strengthen communication, build emotional regulation, and handle difficult conversations without losing self-respect. Whether you’re negotiating at work, managing conflict, or simply trying to understand yourself better, this conversation gives you a playbook for thinking clearly and acting with intention — even under pressure. What to Listen For[00:01:00] What DBT adds to traditional CBT — and why it works[00:02:28] The balance between change and acceptance in personal growth[00:05:06] Reframing emotional struggles as “skills deficits”[00:07:02] Breaking emotional loops and rewriting your story[00:10:28] Understanding “Wise Mind” — integrating logic and emotion[00:16:33] How emotion is data — not distraction[00:20:12] Using mindfulness to expand your perspective and reduce suffering[00:26:42] Building confidence through mastery and self-compassion[00:31:28] DBT frameworks for clarity in high-stakes conversations[00:33:46] Using DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST to communicate effectively[00:49:22] How self-respect, values, and truth create lasting confidence A Word From Our Sponsors Stop being over looked and unlock your X-Factor today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠unlockyourxfactor.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ The very qualities that make you exceptional in your field are working against you socially. Visit the ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠artofcharm.com/intel ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠for a social intelligence assessment and discover exactly what's holding you back. If you’ve put off organizing your finances, Monarch is for you. Use code CHARM at ⁠⁠monarch.com⁠⁠ in your browser for half off your first year. Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠makeheadway.com/CHARM ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠and use my code CHARM for 25% off. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Save more than fifty percent on term life insurance at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠SELECTQUOTE.COM/CHARM⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TODAY to get started Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Episode resources: Real Skills for Real Life: A DBT Guide to Navigating Stress, Emotions, and Relationships Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Emotion is data. It's information. It's not necessarily something to be suppressed or ignored.
0:12.0	Fear is instructive. So great to have you.
0:27.6	Thank you.
0:28.6	Thank you.
0:29.6	Johnny and I are huge fans of DBT. We use it in our classroom with our clients.
0:34.6	And I'd love to help our audience who's not familiar with DBT, learn a little bit
0:39.5	more about it and what drew both of you to it. I got my PhD doctorate in clinical psychology at the
0:45.1	University of Washington. And so my mentor for that program was Marsha Linehan who developed DBT. I got to
0:53.0	spend almost every day with her for five years and then
0:57.7	decades after that in close communication with her. So I learned it in the trenches from the
1:05.3	guru herself. And then I got into it by virtue of Shereen, who was my instructor while in graduate school.
1:15.2	So it's just been passed down through generations.
1:18.8	I guess though we're not very different generations.
1:21.0	But yes, that's how I got it.
1:22.7	Yes.
1:23.0	Please be sure to mention that I'm not much older than Jesse when he says that.
1:30.4	So DBT stands for dialectical behavior therapy. It's actually considered a form of another acronym,
1:37.3	Cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT. CBT is a pretty well-known approach to mental health problems that has been around for a while, has a lot of evidence for it, and is really about taking a structured approach to helping people change their thoughts and behaviors to be more consistent with their goals and to reduce problems. So when Marsha Linehan was
2:03.6	first in the field, what she wanted to do was apply what was considered standard CBT at the time
2:11.6	to folks with more severe mental health problems. CBT, when it was first being studied and implemented, was used
2:19.7	with people who maybe had depression and anxiety, which obviously are serious problems for a lot of
2:25.3	people. She was interested in applying it to folks that were considered very severe at the
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