Hey there, you are listening to the Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't.

Today is episode 294. How to celebrate your own birthday? My birthday is December 27th, so tomorrow if you're listening to this on the day releases, I am 41 years old and I am getting closer and closer to my inner self age of 43.

I feel like I have been 43 for the last 20 years, but I think that it is a very common problem for adults, maybe even especially for women to know how to celebrate your own birthday.

When you're a kid, the adults in your life plan your birthday for you. They throw a party or make your favorite food or, you know, any number of things.

But once you become an adult, no one really does that for you anymore.

Or you might have a parent who still wants to throw you a party, but for a lot of folks as you get older, you like celebrating with your family, but you also want a separate celebration with your friends, right? It shifts.

And even for the friend stuff, you might feel weird throwing yourself a party or inviting people out to celebrate your birthday.

You want someone to remember or surprise you or not surprise you or whatever it is. There can be a lot of layers to it.

It's your birthday. It should be celebrated. So let's talk about how I'm going to open this episode by reading a quote from a woman who repeatedly tells me she is not my demographic Jamie B golden Jamie shared this post on her own birthday just last month.

And no, I will not read this in an Alabama accent. I would not disgrace Jamie's delightful voice with my poor attempts to sound like her. So here is Jamie's post. My best advice about birthdays is planet yourself.

If it means being alone with a great book and your favorite takeout, do it. If it means flying across the country and seeing your favorite musician, do it.

If it means planning a shopping trip to your favorite store and booking your own group reservation at your favorite restaurant and asking your friends to prepare a 30 second presentation on the topic of their choosing and then playing a breakout game, you love do it.

Me planning my day meant there were no unmet expectations. I met all of them. Then there was room for extra delights.

And then she lists some things that I will not list here, but I remember Jamie also saying at one point that we don't want to make other people be mind readers.

We kind of want people to read our minds and that does make sense in some ways like being surprised and delighted and known is so beautiful.

But that's not the only way to be known. Sometimes people don't know what you want unless you tell them.

And some of you might say that that takes the value out of it. That takes the fun out of it. If they don't know on their own, it doesn't really count.

If a friend has to be asked by you to celebrate your birthday, then it doesn't really count. So I do get that. But I want to offer an alternative way of thinking.

If you stay in that place of wanting your mind red, of wanting to be surprised, wanting people to initiate, and then it doesn't happen.

What happens within you? What happens to you in that relationship?

My guess is your super disappointed, maybe even hurt. And that person did not mean to disappoint or hurt you.

They just didn't know. It is rare as an adult, I think, that we have birthday traditions that people can count on or that we would even know what a friend's birthday plans are.

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