Regular, regular, regular, regular features, a regular, regular, regular features,

a regular, regular, regular features, a regular features, a show.

Hello, I'm 7 Lock 7, the robot who lives alone in the regular features jingle station,

orbiting high above the planet Earth in the swirling nebula of fun.

My only job up here is to monitor the episode for those moments when a feature comes to an end,

and a jingle is required to properly segregate the features and maintain their purity.

I could have made that sound a little less fascist, but in all honesty, I am a robot, and your petty human politics are beneath me.

Literally, in fact, because I am in the sky.

Above you.

Beep, beep, boob, boob, beep, boob.

I guess.

I'm a little bit like Seven Zoc 7, the camp robot from Battle of the Planet that

wasn't in the original Japanese version, but was introduced because they'd cut out all the

graphic violence, profanity, nudity, and transgenderism. So if Steve starts fucking a tanger egg

or anything like that, we'll cut back to me in the space station and I'll say, oh boy, oh boy,

I'm so glad that feature concluded with zero eggs fucked.

Boop, boop, beep, boob, boop, beep.

Anyway, it's time to see what my boys are doing and I'm getting increasingly camp as I do this.

Sevensarch Seven was a very camp robot. And it's time to join our guys down on the planet and see, see what they're up to. Hey, boys. Hello and welcome to the regular features podcast, a comedy podcast that's the same every single week. And it's been the same every week for approximately seven years. I'm Matt Lees. This is Joseph

Scrabbles. Hello, welcome to you. And on the main mic, the main man, it's Stephen, Stephen Hogan. What's he got the main mic? It's twice as big as mine. I know, but you've got to treat him. But I've got to hold it like a bucket of popcorn. Two arms. Yeah, with my dick sticking up. Yeah, you stuck your dick right down the bottom of it.

Suspiciously on your lap and you keep saying,

hey, wants to touch the microphone?

...