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So yes, I'm 14 years old and all of you look really old to me.

My parents are pretty old.

They're in their 40s now.

Yeah, they're always telling me how easy I have it.

They're like, oh, your generation's great.

You don't know how hard it was to be a kid when we were kids.

Why can't you be more like we were?

Maybe because most of the crap you did when you were kids is illegal now.

I cannot walk to 7-Eleven and buy my grandparents cigarettes.

I am not allowed to hitchike. I can't drink from a garden hose.

I can't play with lawn darts, which were banned in 1988.

I have my own set of challenges.

When I ride my bike, I have to wear half a bowling ball in my head, because safety's a thing now.

I didn't have an iPhone my whole life, you know.

For many years, I'd use a flip phone.

You had to press a button three times to type the letter C.

What crazy is it, man?

You're a loser.

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