I had gotten out of the tub and got on the bed and he put his hand on my vagina and said,

if you push, you will rip and tear all the way to your anus.

When a provider in this vulnerable state is in your space telling you something like that,

your trauma is brought up again. And all of a sudden, you're that little child who needs to

people please for the love of your parents. You will do anything for that love.

I realized I had given my body and my power away to my mother.

She controlled my life so fully.

And I had been so conditioned to dissociate and numb out when stressors or heart experiences arose.

I'm Cynthia Overgard, owner of hypniburthing of Connecticut, childbirth advocate, and postpartum support specialist.

And I'm Tresha Ludwig, certified nurse midwife and international board certified lactation consultant.

And this is the Down to Birth podcast.

Childbirth is something we're made to do, but how do we have our safest and most satisfying experience in today's medical culture?

Let's dispel the myths and get down to birth.

Music medical culture. Let's dispel the myths and get down to birth. My name is Courtney. I am an OB nurse and anesthetist. I am a wife and a mother of four, and I'm six months postpartum with my youngest.

And my story starts with me as a really little girl who in the face of trauma learned how to dissociate. I grew up with a mother who is an alcoholic,

a narcissist, among many other mental health issues. And actually, an aunt of mine recently just shared a story with me.

She lived in our basement for a time when my sister and I were little.

And she would hear my mother screaming at us often.

And sometimes she said it was really scary to hear how loud she was screaming.

And there was one particular day that she said she needed to come upstairs because she

sounded like she was going to have a heart attack. So she came upstairs and found us in the

playroom. And my mom was screaming so loud. She said she could see her neck veins bulging.

...