281 // Stop Fixing Other People's Problems (So Much)
The Mindful Kind
Rachael Kable
4.6 • 636 Ratings
🗓️ 20 May 2021
⏱️ 10 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Hello and welcome to episode 281 of The Mindful Kind podcast.
In this episode, you'll discover why it's important to stop trying to fix other people's problems so much and some helpful tips that can help you step back, including:
- Asking people how they would like to deal with their own challenges. Listen to their ideas and support them, rather than jumping in with your advice.
- Focusing on your own problems and challenges.
- Accepting that mistakes, failures, and hard lessons are a normal part of life for everyone. It can sometimes be more helpful to help someone heal after they fall than to stop them trying to fly in the first place.
In the episode, I mention the Enneagram test. Here is the one I used to find out my personality type: https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test
Thank you so much for listening and I hope you have a wonderful week, Mindful Kind.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello and welcome to the Mindful Kind podcast. |
| 0:06.0 | I'm your host, Rachel Cable, author of the Mindfulkind book, Mindfulness Teacher and blogger at RachelCable.com. |
| 0:14.0 | Each week this podcast will bring meaningful tips, tools and strategies so you can manage stress and live more mindfully in the modern world. |
| 0:24.4 | Hello and welcome to episode 281 of the Mindful Kind podcast. I have a few quick questions for you. |
| 0:33.3 | Do you ever feel exhausted and time poor because you spend so much time helping other people |
| 0:38.5 | fix their problems? |
| 0:41.0 | Do you love being a helping person, but sometimes it means you sacrifice your own well-being? |
| 0:46.7 | Has anyone ever become annoyed with you because you tried to help a little bit too much? |
| 0:52.3 | If you answered yes to any of those questions, then this episode is for you, |
| 0:57.0 | and also I'm over here raising my hand because I answered yes to all three of those questions. |
| 1:03.0 | I don't know if you've heard of the Enneagram test. Basically, it's a personality test that |
| 1:08.6 | describes how people interpret the world, their behavioral tendencies and their motivations. |
| 1:14.9 | There are a couple of free enneagram tests you can complete online if you want to, and I'll put a link in the show notes so you can go and check out the one that I used. |
| 1:24.1 | So when I took the test a few years ago, my results indicated that I'm a type 2, also known as the helper. |
| 1:31.8 | Now, at first I was like, oh, perfect, yep, I love helping people, I'm good at helping, I enjoy being in a helping profession, |
| 1:39.9 | I care deeply about my relationships, and then as I read a bit more, the potential downsides of being |
| 1:47.3 | a helper were revealed, and I cringed a little bit because some of it was true for me. |
| 1:52.6 | A helper can develop a sense of entitlement because they feel like other people owe them |
| 1:57.2 | because they were helping so much. They can become demanding or bossy, even manipulative, |
| 2:03.3 | and they think that's okay because they have good intentions and they just want to help. |
| 2:08.2 | They forget to take care of their own needs, which can lead to burnout and emotional exhaustion |
| 2:13.9 | and resentment. And I think this just goes to show that being a helping, caring person |
... |
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