Hello, my name is Justin the Clue and I'm here today with...

You may know me as a podcaster, but for 30 years, I've also been a cop.

My name is Will Sloan. Yes, Will Sloan.

And who are you imitating today?

I'm imitating... Charles Bronson.

Sean Claude Van Damme. Jean-Claude Van Dam. And we're doing a Jean-Claude Van Damme episode. No, we're doing Stephen Seagal. Why? Because he's great. I love him. I mean, he's probably, well, I was going to say he's my favorite action star, but that's just stupid contrarianism because he's objectively terrible. But I have a real sawspot for him.

And the other reason we're doing him is because we didn't want to work very hard this week. We wanted to do no research. Yeah, we just wanted to have fun. We should say right off the bat, we mentioned the last episode, but anyone who's interested in Seagal has to read Vern's book, Sigology. You'll often find it at like Urban Outfitters or something next to the Chuck Norris Facts book.

But this one is actually. book, Seagology. You'll often find it at like Urban Outfitters or something next to the Chuck

Norris Facts book. This one is actually good. This is a real book with real analysis of Seagall's work,

every single Seagull film. And even did an updated version with more DTV films, which is The Pits.

I can't even imagine having to sit there and watch those films.

I try to keep up with Segal's direct-to-video work, but it's hard to because there's just so much of it.

He had three movies come out this month, okay?

No, or in May, I mean, he had Asian connections, sniper special ops, and, oh, hell,

code of honor.

So let's talk about when the first time you fell in love with Mr. Segal.

Well, it's been a gradual process.

I never liked him.

Like, I always thought he looked like your friend's dad.

That was a little too mean.

I definitely had a lot of contempt for him when I was in high school.

My uncle really liked Stephen Segal, and I remember being in a motel during a family trip with my uncle.

...