27: The Book of the Dynasty of God's Resisters (The First Book of Maccabees)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 2 December 2018

⏱️ 98 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Chag sameach, Theophiloi! It's Hanukkah times, so we're diving into One Maccabees to learn the story of the Festival of Lights, and also get 16 full chapters of Jews just beating the ever-loving sugar out of everyone in the Levant. Light that Hanukkiah, sharpen that sword, and get ready for the most action-packed piece of Bible, ever. Plus, our suggestions for adding Judith and Matzoh-rella sticks to your holiday celebrations!

Topics of discussion: Holiday scheduling, The Christmas Chronicles and the canonicity of St. Nicholas, Church cusses, Mattathias's large adult sons, Judah Maccabee the Hammers of History, Alexander the Great, dream casting the 1999 Maccabees movie, Antiochus IV Epiphanes getting dunked on so hard that he dies, War Elephants, Eleazar the Piercer, King Baby, the Hammer and the Diplomat.

Hymnal: "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer

Offertory: If you enjoy the show, head to ko-fi.com/apocrypals and send us a love offering! We absolutely appreciate it!

Transcript

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0:00.0	He was like a lion in his deeds, like a lion's cub roaring for prey.
0:05.7	He searched out and pursued those who broke the law.
0:08.5	He burned those who troubled his people.
0:11.1	Lawbreakers shrank back for fear of him.
0:13.6	All the evildoers were confounded, and deliverance prospered by his hand.
0:18.3	The first book of Maccabees, chapter three, versus four through six.
0:36.3	Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocrypal's.
0:38.8	It's the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible and we're trying to be jerks about it.
0:42.7	My name is Chris Sims.
0:44.4	With me, as always, the other set of footprints, Benito Serrano, and we are your humble Sons of Thunder, wishing you a very happy Hanukkah.
0:53.1	Hey, haksamaak, everybody.
0:56.4	Yeah.
0:57.7	Happy Hanukkah, because it's probably going to be Hanukkah when this comes out.
1:03.2	Yeah, it's Hanukkah right now.
1:05.2	Yeah, Hanukkah starts sundown December 2nd.
1:09.4	And so it'll probably be Hanukkah or almost Hanukkah by the time this comes out,
1:15.2	like within hours, if I had to guess, at most.
1:19.1	I'm going to say it's definitely going to be Hanukkah.
1:22.7	Yeah.
1:22.8	Like this episode's going to be coming out at some point during those eight days.
1:27.4	We'll just settle on that. We got thrown off a little bit by a... This episode's going to be coming out at some point during those eight days.
1:29.0	We'll just settle on that.
	...

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