269: Why Is Basic Hygiene Such a Battle With My Tween?

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens

Dr. Lisa Damour/Reena Ninan

Mental Health, Kids & Family, Health & Fitness, Parenting

4.7 • 824 Ratings

🗓️ 28 April 2026

⏱️ 31 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Your tween won't shower, won't change their clothes, or lies about having brushed their teeth or washed their face...Sound familiar? If you're in the middle of a hygiene battle with your tween or young teen, you're not alone, and you're not failing as a parent. This is one of the most common (and confusing) challenges of early adolescence, especially when basic resistance starts to take the form of sneaking or lying. In this episode, clinical psychologist and New York Times bestselling author Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan unpack what's really driving your tween's hygiene resistance, why the lying is probably not what you think it is, and what you can actually do to move things in the right direction without constant conflict. 💡 YOU'LL LEARN: - Why tweens suddenly resist hygiene routines they never had to think about before - How puberty and bodily autonomy are at the heart of the power struggle - Why tweens sometimes lie about this - What to say instead of nagging, checking, or trying to force them to change habits - When to let it go, when to hold the line, and when to bring in outside help - How to use habit science to make new hygiene routines actually stick This episode will help you stop spinning in frustration and start responding in ways that protect your relationship, respect your child's growing need for independence, and actually get results.________________ GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠ DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠ - Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠ - The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠ UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠ VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠ ________________ Today's sponsors: Pestie: For 10% off your order go to https://pestie.com/ASKLISA. Cash App: New Cash App customers earn $10 if they use code FAMILY10. https://cash.app/ Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at https://www.shopify.com/asklisa Momentous: Get 5% off your first order with promo code ASKLISA at https://www.livemomentous.com ________________ Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens is the essential podcast for parents seeking expert guidance, tested strategies, and psychological insights on raising kids, especially tweens and teens. Join renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and former journalist and mom of two Reena Ninan as they explore real-life parenting challenges. Looking to learn more about how to boost kids’ resilience, build their confidence, or support their emotional well-being? Dr. Lisa and Reena have got you covered! Together they address listener questions about stress, anxiety, social media concerns, school pressures, and challenges in peer relationships. Each episode provides practical advice and science-backed solutions to help parents raise resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy kids. Tune in every week for the latest topics in parenting, child psychology, and family wellness. Get answers to your most pressing parenting questions. New episodes drop every Tuesday. ________________ Episode Keywords: tween hygiene problems, tween hygiene battle, my tween won’t shower, my tween won’t wash, 12 year old bad hygiene, teen hygiene issues, kid won’t brush teeth, kid won’t wash hair, tween body odor, smelly tween solutions, puberty hygiene tips, how to get my tween to shower, teen lying to parents, tween sneaky behavior, parenting puberty hygiene, helping teens with hygiene, teen won’t take care of themselves, why does my tween smell, middle school hygiene problems Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, lisa damour, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence

Transcript

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0:00.0	Tell me a parenting issue everyone struggles with with tweens and teens, but no one talks about.
0:06.0	Rina, I think a lot of people feel like they just don't know how to connect to their kid anymore.
0:12.0	I'm Rina Nainan and welcome to Ask Lisa the psychology of raising tweens and teens.
0:17.0	And I'm Dr. Lisa DeMore.
0:19.0	We bring you science-back strategies for managing anxiety, discipline, intense emotions, and more.
0:24.6	We decode tough parenting issues with tips you can use right now.
0:28.6	So subscribe to Ask Lisa the psychology of raising tweens and teens and join our YouTube community today.
0:35.6	Just Google, Ask Lisa podcast. We're here to help you
0:39.1	untangle family life. Episode 269, why is basic hygiene such a battle with my tween?
1:12.5	I am at the phase now of parenting, which I love about her podcast. You had warned me about this a couple years ago. And when it happened, it was kind of cool to know that this was going to happen, where my kids are all about hygiene and their hair and nice, scented soaps and everything. But I was kind of surprised when we got this letter about some parents talking about their kids in hygiene. Is this like something you
1:16.3	hear about often? Yeah. So, I mean, kids can be all over the hygiene spectrum here with some
1:21.8	parents wishing their kids would walk it back from like how much time they're spending on their
1:25.4	facial routine. And then there are other families. and this is actually not that unusual, where the
1:31.3	kid's body is changing, it's moving into puberty, and they are not getting with the program
1:37.1	of needing to up their game, keep their body clean in new ways.
1:41.4	I hear about it a fair bit.
1:43.0	And I think if you asked a middle school teacher, they would
1:47.1	definitely report that one of the realities of being a middle school teacher is that kids don't
1:53.4	always smell so good and they are still figuring it out. And so, you know, it's a wide range,
2:04.2	but it is not that unusual for kids to struggle with taking care of this. I want to read this letter to you. Dear Dr. Lisa DeMore, I'm writing because I'm struggling
2:09.6	with my 12-year-old daughter around hygiene and more troubling about lying. She resists basic
2:14.8	routines like changing her underwear daily and washing her hair. When I ask her
	...

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