It's Monday.

It's April 20th.

And the word of the day is marijuana.

Damn straight.

Sentence, if you get accidentally drugged with marijuana during Noah's birthday dinner, just find where normal hands go. And don't make eye contact with Eli Bosnick because he also got drugged and he looks crazy. It'll make you crazy. Yeah, he was also driving at the time so making eye contact with him would have been bad for everybody. Yeah, and my eyes were closed, so you couldn't make eye contact. Yeah, exactly. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heathenwright. Broadcasting Delayed from America's Farce Center. We are the skeptics. On this week's episode, it's been a year's worth of week. We'll all continue to be more qualified to run the FBI than Cash Patel.

And thanks to Donald Trump, the Strait of Hormuz exists in a quantum state of close open.

But first, the rest of the intro music. joining me for headlines tonight are my fellow skepticrats no illusions in elizabeth

gentlemen happy pot roast day right i roast pot every day but i'll do it more festively

today i promise nice and satan is always fall off the bone texture so i'm ready to Right. I roast pot every day, but I'll do it more festively today, I promise.

Nice.

And Satan has always fall off the bone texture, so I'm ready to go. Sure. We would actually do a brisket on 420 back in the day. As would we? Pot roast pot roast party. It was fun. That's nice. All right. Here we go in our lead story tonight. If you made a parley bet on Kalshi that by the end of last week, the Mets would extend their losing street to nine games and the price of crude oil, Brent crude oil, would dip below $92 a barrel,

and Donald Trump would post an image of himself as Jesus Christ of Nazareth, healing, I think, John Stewart with a glowy lightball from his hand.

And Stewart would be getting a hand job at the same time.

And there's a flying demon in the background who stole Lady Liberty's hat with the spikes.

And vice president Janstance would son of mansplained Catholicism to the

pope and Villanova would announce they'll be opening their basketball season against Notre

Dame with a game in Rome just for Pope Bobby in November.

He's class of 77 at Villanova by the way.

And Pete Hagseth would lead a Christian prayer at the Pentagon based on Pulp Fiction.

If you made that parley bet, you did quite well.

Yeah, well done.

Also, you should cash out and stop making parlay bets because all of that did happen.

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