Hello and welcome to Car Talk from National Public Radio with us Click and Clack the Tappert Brothers,

and we're broadcasting this week from the When in Rome department here at Car Talk Plaza.

Yeah, in honor of Columbus Day.

He was Italian, you know.

And it was Columbus Day a few months ago.

Oh, I thought it's in Ohio.

Someone sent me this, and I realize now as I look at it,

that we're going to get so much nasty mail from the Italian-American foundations of America. No, it's all right to make fun of your own heritage. Yeah? Yeah. Fine. Okay. Here it is. It's a list of... I mean, Jakoff Shmirnov does it. He does it. Who's he? I don't know. The Italian's food?

This is, you know you're Italian if.

I like it already.

You're six foot four.

You can bench press 325 pounds.

You shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.

You live in a 900 square foot bungalow, but still have two kitchens, one in the basement.

In some capacity, there is a dump truck in your life.

Hey, you never know.

You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

At some time in your life, you've called someone a mamalook.

You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.

And my personal favorite, a high school diploma and one year of community college has earned you the title of Professor Zoda, among your aunts.

Now, they're all going to send nasty letters saying,

why should you be degrading your very own heritage?

...