261. How to Get the Sex You Actually Want

Honeydew Me

Cassandra Anderson

Self-improvement, Education, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 533 Ratings

🗓️ 8 April 2026

⏱️ 58 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Tara, tenured professor, award-winning researcher, and author of the new book "How Do You Like It: A Guide For Getting What You Want (In Bed)," to talk about what it actually takes to have a satisfying, connected sex life. From communication to confidence to understanding what it is you like, this conversation breaks down the practical skills behind better sex. We Cover: Why great sex is a learned skill, not something you’re just “good at.” Breaking down the myth that sex should come naturally and why education, practice, and communication matter. How to figure out what you actually want in bed. Simple ways to explore your desires, preferences, and turn-ons without shame or pressure. The biggest communication mistakes couples make about sex. Why avoiding conversations leads to disconnection and how to start talking about sex in a way that feels safe and productive. How to ask for what you want without feeling awkward or rejected. Practical tools for expressing needs, giving feedback, and building confidence when communicating about sex. Why desire can feel confusing or inconsistent in relationships. Understanding different desire styles and why your sex drive might not work the way you think it should. How to create more satisfying and connected sex in long-term relationships. Small shifts that can make a big difference in intimacy, pleasure, and emotional connection. What’s getting in the way of your sex life (and how to start shifting it). Common blockers like stress, shame, and unrealistic expectations, and how to work through them in real life. Connect with Dr. Tara by buying her book "How Do You Like It" HERE, following her on Instagram HERE, or going to her website HERE! Learn more about 1:1 coaching HERE!⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Get Honeydew Me Merch HERE!⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:30.5	One in a million, you're a jam shine when the light girl's dim.
0:34.4	See, one, two, three, four, three, two, one. Because no one can do it, like we do it, like we do it. Say one, two, three, four, three, two,
0:37.5	one.
0:38.3	Hello, like who we do it, like who we do it, like who we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it, do it. Do you like my nails? I'm Emma. Leave a comment.
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0:58.0	Please. Welcome to Honeydumee. Do you like my nails? I'm Emma. Leave a comment. Leave a comment below.
0:58.0	Hello. And I'm Cass, and this is our podcast where we talk about sex, relationships, mental health.
1:02.8	All of the things that tend to feel a little bit shamy, a little bit embarrassing. We think we're supposed to be naturally good at them. We think we're the only one
1:11.4	going through these difficult, messy things. But newsflash, baby, you aren't. We are all going
1:17.3	through the exact same thing. And it's honestly wild when you guys write into us and say,
1:21.6	like, this is what I'm going through. And it's like, I thought I was the only one. Thank you so much.
1:25.3	Yeah. It happens the other. Yeah. It's just never ending of like all the things that we think, well, that's still weird about
1:32.6	me.
1:32.8	And it's like, actually there is no unique human experience.
1:36.5	Yeah.
1:36.8	There actually isn't.
	...

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