These aren't the stories your mother told you.

No, these are the other stories.

Show cooking, Cannibal Edition

Written by Kev Harrison, narrated by Josh Curran.

What exactly would you have done in my position?

She'd been explicitly clear.

I remember her words exactly. Take your eyes off my little display for even a second, you little shit, and you'll be next.

This was not what I'd expected when I'd offered to help the lady with her shopping hours earlier.

Mum and Dad always said I should respect my elders, help them if they're in need.

That's what I'd done.

But since that day, I've never fancied Shepard's Pie.

Can I help you with them bags, madam?

I asked in my politest voice, when I saw her stagger, packhorse-like, down a disabled ramp

outside Asda, oh, how her eyes lit up.

Such a polite young man, she said. This made me beam. Being called young man rather than boy

at eleven is a feat. She handed me a bag, the biggest one, stuffed to bursting with butter, spuds,

veggies, I won't lie, it was bloody heavy, pardon my French. But I'd offered, I was doing a good

deed, would tell Dad about it, he might buy me an ice cream. Where to then, madam? I asked as we waddled along the pavement

that swept out from the car park and over the brook towards the park. It's through the park,

my dear, a little cottage. Maybe you've seen it when you've been playing with your friends.

I shook my head. Don't know, madam.

Sorry.

...