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No Small Endeavor with Lee C. Camp

253: Sonja Lyubomirsky: How To Actually Feel Loved

No Small Endeavor with Lee C. Camp

Lee Camp

Philosophy, Society & Culture, Religion & Spirituality

4.8555 Ratings

🗓️ 16 March 2026

⏱️ 52 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

What if the secret to happiness isn’t success, status, or even positive thinking, but the simple act of letting yourself be known? Psychologist and bestselling author Sonja Lyubomirsky has spent more than three decades studying human happiness. She shares from her new book, ⁠How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most⁠, about what science reveals about gratitude, kindness, hedonic adaptation, and the surprising limits of life circumstances. Her newest research goes even deeper: happiness flourishes when we feel genuinely loved, and that begins not by impressing others, but by becoming known. Key Ideas: Rethink What Happiness Is: Happiness is both feeling good in your life and feeling satisfied with your life—an interplay of emotion, meaning, and progress toward what matters. Don’t Chase Circumstances: Beyond basic needs, new cars, promotions, and bigger houses bring only temporary boosts because of hedonic adaptation. Practice What You Can Control: Gratitude, acts of kindness, and intentional habits can measurably increase well-being—even influencing immune health. Lead With Curiosity: The first step to feeling loved is helping someone else feel loved—through genuine questions, deep listening, and real presence. Choose Vulnerable Connection: We feel loved not when we impress others, but when we allow ourselves to be seen in our full humanity. Adopt the Multiplicity Mindset: No single behavior defines you—or anyone else; compassion grows when we remember we are all complex, unfinished quilts of strengths and flaws. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Show Notes, Resources and Transcript⁠⁠ for abridged episode with Sonja Lyubomirsky⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join NSE+⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — our subscriber-only community — for ad-free listening, member-only bonus content, and early access to live show tickets. Your membership helps make No Small Endeavor sustainable. No Small Endeavor: An award-winning podcast that asks what it means to live a good life. Through conversations with leading thinkers across theology, philosophy, psychology, politics, and the social sciences, we explore human flourishing, meaning and purpose, faith and culture, science and religion, virtue and character, community, and the practices that help shape a good life grounded in truth, beauty, and goodness. Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@nosmallendeavor⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Host Lee C. Camp: Lee has worked as a professor of theology & ethics for more than 25 years, teaching and writing on topics of faith & politics, inter-religious dialog, and human flourishing at the intersection of theology, moral philosophy, and social sciences. Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@leeccamp ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

I'm Lee Seacamp and this is no small endeavor exploring what it means to live a good life.

0:07.0

Most of us think that to feel more loved, we need to sort of become more lovable.

0:13.0

That's the world-renowned happiness researcher and professor Sonia Lubramirski talking about her newest book, How to Feel Loved.

0:22.7

The first step, if I want to feel more loved by you, is actually to make you feel more

0:26.8

loved first.

0:28.3

And the way I do it is by showing genuine curiosity in you.

0:32.3

Today we talk about her groundbreaking research on happiness and what that can tell us about

0:37.1

connection, relationship,

0:39.2

and the benefits of vulnerability. These walls are there to protect ourselves, like they serve a

0:44.1

purpose, but they prevent us from truly being known. And if you don't really know me, I'm going to

0:49.3

argue that I'm never really going to feel loved by you because I'm going to wonder if he really knew me,

0:55.5

you know, would he still love me?

0:57.4

That and much more coming right up.

1:00.4

Hey, friends, Lee Kemp here.

1:01.5

We all need advice, but it's not always clear who to ask, even in 2026, which is why I recommend

1:08.6

checking out how to the longstanding advice show and 2026 Amby Award nominated Best Personal Growth Podcast. No Small Endeavor was also just up for the very same award in that category. So you know how to must be a great companion to our show. More than that, How To is back with new episodes and a new host with award-winning journalist Mike Peska.

1:30.0

Each week, Mike tackles a listener question ranging from travel to finance to relationships and beyond

1:36.0

with help from world-class experts who actually know what they are talking about.

1:40.4

Think of it as eavesdropping on someone else's therapy session without a copay or awkward silence.

1:46.4

No questions too big or too specific, like how to protect the elderly from scammers, or how to give to a good cause and make it count and even how to make a how to podcast.

1:59.0

You've got questions. They will find some answers.

2:02.0

So follow How To with Mike Peska on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen.

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