How do I tell them? How do I pay the bills? How do I pay the bills?

I know what goes through your head when you're living with cancer. The questions, the fears, the need to know. How do I know? Because I'm living with

cancer too. That's why I joined the Macmillan online community and we can help people like you, whatever you need to ask.

To join us, search first video podcast at home. We did one in Hawaii a couple weeks ago but this is

exciting to have something new. So a few weeks ago I asked on Instagram in like a little question box for ideas on things that people want us to podcast about and you and I read through all of these before we started recording today's episode and the one that kind of jumped out to both of us was

Someone who said part two did you ever think the light would shine again?

And what was interesting there is, I don't know if this person meant to, but I didn't see a part one.

So I think she's just referring to, you know, part two of our story, but then we talked about how this relates

to so many things in life, like certainly our story of addiction recovery and how we were in

a really dark place for a long time, both of us.

With that and how our marriage has been in a bad place more than once because of addiction and other things too. But you know we have you

have some pretty significant experiences with grief with losing two brothers at

two different times in your life and for me I also

thought about postpartum depression my my fourth baby with Harry how that felt like

I would never see the light again. So I think there's

some pretty different experiences that we'll go through but there are some common

themes on you know how we got through that so

let's start with grief especially since that's kind of fresh for you since it's

been five years since Dave passed away and maybe just start with what you remember with Steve and then

and you know did it feel like things were ever going to get better and then compare your experience to Dave.

Yeah.

Well I think it does seem like thinking back on Steve I was young as like 12, 13-ish,

...