Hey guys, it's your girl, Mandria,

awkwardly tall girl, and I just wanted to let you know

that this week's episode will drop either on Thursday or Friday,

and I felt the need to tell you all that. Why? I'm not quite sure, but I actually do feel a little guilty every time I don't release the episode at 6 a.m. Eastern

Standard time on Wednesdays. You know one of the laundry list traits is we get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves

instead of giving into others and for me it's like we get guilt feelings when we

release our podcast episode one to two days late and feel

the need to tell everyone about this. Oh man but yeah I also can't have you all forgetting about me or deciding that you

don't like this podcast anymore. And if my friend Michelle is listening she

knows what I'm talking about.

So when I first got sober, I had this really irrational fear

that anytime I went out of town,

even for a night, that all of my friends were going to decide that they didn't like me

anymore while I was away so I would just text them and call them constantly to get

this like reassurance that they hadn't decided

that they didn't like me anymore and I was feeling pretty confident that I had worked

through that but perhaps me recording this right now is saying that I haven't.

You know, I've had some insight on this irrational fear

that people are going to decide that they don't like me anymore overnight.

It's like not out of sight, out of mind, it's like out of sight and you're dead to me and I'll never talk to you for the rest of my life.

But, I mean, so I've had some insight on where this

shit came from and so part of it is obviously growing up in a dysfunctional

...