Hey everyone, it's me, Ali Feller, and even without the familiar intro music, this I assure you is the alley on the run show.

I wanted to pop in and take a few minutes today to talk about what's been on my mind for the last few days, and if I'm being honest with you and with myself,

something that's been on my mind for at least the past year.

I had a really hard week last week, emotionally. I just couldn't turn things around.

It's the constant ongoing heaviness of the world, the social isolation, the disruption from normal,

the need to figure out if normal is or was even what I want it to be.

Just, you know, the weight of the world. I know we all feel it right now, regardless of our circumstances,

but I had a real pit in my stomach all weekend for a different reason.

The kind you get when you know you're wrong,

when you know you've made not one, but a series of mistakes,

when you know that there's no one to blame, no defense to play,

the pit in my stomach said, Ali, you've messed up, you've let a lot of people down,

and now it's time to truly fess up and own it and start moving forward and doing better.

That's where I'm at. So to go back in time a little bit, I grew up in Kentucky, New Hampshire.

It's a small town. It's quaint. It's quiet. It's very quintessential New England.

There's covered bridges and apple orchards. And it's very white.

I graduated with 68 kids. All of them were white.

The kids before me and after me, they were white too.

When I graduated high school in 2003, there was one black family in our town.

One racism was not something that we talked about in history class. Sure.

But racial injustices did not affect my town. I assumed and I knew they didn't affect me.

They still don't affect me any years later.

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