236: Dream School: How Do You Find the Right College for Your Teen?

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens

Dr. Lisa Damour/Reena Ninan

Kids & Family, Mental Health, Parenting, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 720 Ratings

🗓️ 9 September 2025

⏱️ 37 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Is the pressure of college admissions overwhelming your family? You’re not alone. Between endless AP classes, campus tours, and the unspoken competition of “where did your kid get in?”, it’s easy for parents to feel consumed by stress and worry. But what if the path to your teen’s success isn’t about getting into the “best” school, but finding the right one? In this episode of Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens, Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan sit down with bestselling author and higher education expert Jeff Selingo, author of Dream School: Finding the College That's Right for You, to rethink what makes a college the “dream school.” Drawing on decades of research and thousands of parent and student stories, Jeff helps families step back from the frenzy and see the college search for what it truly is: a chance to find the right fit for your child’s growth, learning, and future. - Why prestige isn’t everything, and why outcomes from mid-tier schools often match those from elite institutions - How to help your teen find a college where they’ll truly belong, both socially and academically - The surprising research on student satisfaction, faculty connections, and opportunities at different types of schools - Smart ways to talk with your teen about money, financial aid, and realistic college costs - Why the approach your child takes to college matters more than the name on the diploma Warm, practical, and myth-busting, this conversation will help you and your teen navigate the admissions maze with less anxiety and more clarity. Dream School: Finding the College That’s Right for You https://jeffselingo.com/books/dream-school Study: The Determinants and Causal Effects of Admission to Highly Selective Private Colleges https://opportunityinsights.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/CollegeAdmissions_Paper.pdf Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan. Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com Episode keywords: college search, college prep, college anxiety, dream school, jeff selingo, college admissions, college stress, college success, college tips, college choice Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence

Transcript

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0:00.0	Tell me a parenting issue everyone struggles with with tweens and teens, but no one talks about.
0:06.6	Rina, I think a lot of people feel like they just don't know how to connect to their kid anymore.
0:12.7	I'm Rina Nainen and welcome to Ask Lisa the psychology of raising tweens and teens.
0:17.6	And I'm Dr. Lisa DeMore.
0:19.1	We bring you science-back strategies for managing anxiety, discipline, intense emotions, and more.
0:24.6	We decode tough parenting issues with tips you can use right now.
0:28.6	So subscribe to Ask Lisa the psychology of raising tweens and teens and join our YouTube community today.
0:35.6	Just Google, Ask Lisa Podcast.
0:38.0	We're here to help you untangle family life.
0:43.1	Episode 236, Dream School.
0:45.8	How do you find the right college for your teen with author Jeff Selenga?
1:00.0	So I'm asking you this, not as a psychologist, but as a mom who already has a kid in college,
1:04.8	do you really need to take 22 AP classes in high school to get into college?
1:06.6	You do not.
1:11.2	In fact, I have often said to my kid and to other kids, you know, you do intend to go to college.
2:34.2	You don't have to do college in high school if you intend to go to college. Thank you for saying that. You're welcome. Because both of us have children in the ninth grade this year. Yes, we do. This is my first child going into high school. and we had an argument this weekend or discussion, a heated discussion where my husband and I run opposite ends, where I was like, you should be, it's a tiger mong in me, Lisa. Like, you should be taking everything you can. Anyway, I am obsessed. How is your ninth grader doing, by the way? Okay, well, we're not talking about that. I'll tell you exactly what we're talking about, Rina. And this is, you know how I love my teenagers and all of them. Okay, we're talking about ranch dressing. And she was killing us. She was killing us this weekend. She was telling us about a conversation she was having with another ninth grader, a boy. And somehow they got on the topic of how much ranch dressing is too much ranch dressing. And apparently the boy insisted that the cafeteria could be way steep in ranch dressing and it would not be too much ranch dressing. So that's what we're discussing in my house. Well, school food, at least they're eating it. In my days, like nobody ate the school food. It was so horrible. Yeah. Well, if it has ranch dressing, apparently they'll eat anything. Yeah. But, you know, I will tell you, in addition to school food, like everyone's obsessed with college and what is going to happen. You know, and I feel like every year since we've started this podcast, it's been like a different standard for getting into school. So today, we're diving right into the book that every parent of teenagers needs to get right now. It's called Dream School, Finding the College that's Right for You by bestselling author and higher education expert, Jeff Selengo,
2:38.8	a friend of the pod who we've had on before. And I'm thrilled to say the book is actually out today.
2:44.0	We all know the pressure. You know, family is obsessing over the top 25 schools. Kids feeling
2:48.3	like futures are determined by that one acceptance letter. But the thing
2:51.9	about this book, Jeff flips the narrative on its head. He shows us that the real dream school
2:56.3	isn't actually about the brand name or the prestige. It's about finding a college where your child
3:01.7	can actually thrive academically, socially, and even financially. So let's welcome Ask Lisa Podcast guest, Jess Salingo.
	...

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