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Honeydew Me

226. The Truth About Sexual Confidence (and How to Get It)

Honeydew Me

Cassandra Anderson

Self-improvement, Education, Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 533 Ratings

🗓️ 6 August 2025

⏱️ 76 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

What if sexual confidence had nothing to do with experience and everything to do with trusting yourself? With a background in sexual health research and a passion for pleasure-first education, Caitlin V Neal breaks down what sexual confidence really means and how to build it (even if you’re starting from zero). From quieting your inner critic to getting out of performance mode, Caitlin shares actionable, empowering ways to feel grounded, connected, and fully in your body. What We Cover in This Episode: What sexual confidence actually is (and what it’s not). Hint: It’s not about being loud, kinky, or “experienced.” Confidence is about self-trust, self-awareness, and staying connected to your needs. Why performance culture is killing our confidence. We unpack how porn, media, and even hookup culture teach us to perform instead of feel and how to unlearn that. How to stop judging yourself in the moment. Caitlin shares tangible tools for staying present, even when your inner critic shows up in bed. The link between nervous system regulation and confidence. If you’ve ever frozen, dissociated, or gone into people-pleasing mode during sex... this part is for you. The #1 mindset shift to build confidence fast. This reframe alone will change the way you show up in intimacy, especially if you struggle with body image or “being too much.” What to do when your partner’s confidence (or lack of it) affects yours. Real talk on how to navigate mismatched confidence levels and build each other up without pressure. Why communication is confidence. From asking for what you want to setting boundaries, you can’t fake confidence when your voice isn’t in the room. Small steps that build big confidence over time. Caitlin walks us through daily rituals and rewiring techniques to cultivate long-term, unshakeable sexual confidence. Connect with Caitlin: On her website On Instagram On TikTok ⁠Subscribe to our Patreon for downloadables, extended episodes, video episodes + more!⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hello, you're a gem shine when the light girl's dim.

0:04.3

See one, two, three, four, three, two, one. Because no one can do it like we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it. Because no one can do it like we do it, like we do it, like we do it, like we do it. Hello, welcome to HoneyDewee podcast. I'm Emma. And I'm Cass. And this is our podcast where we talk about sex, relationships, mental health, having a buzz in your pocket, a buzz in your vulva, a buzz in your vagina, a buzz in your butt.

0:30.3

Anywhere that you could possibly put a buzz, we want to talk about it and help unwrap all the shame that tends to weave itself in there as well.

0:38.7

Because damn, is there a lot of shame when it comes to sex and how we feel in our bodies

0:44.0

and pleasure? And it just shouldn't be there. I am relatively confident that shame is a useless

0:52.9

emotion.

0:55.9

Okay. Give it to me.

0:59.6

That was, I just gave it to you, but I'll continue giving it to you.

1:02.3

So like, let's look at jealousy for a second, right?

1:05.1

I think jealousy serves a really important purpose.

1:13.9

I think it helps to show us what we want for ourselves, where like maybe we could be bigger or pushing ourselves further and so I think that's really useful I think anger like you know we just had Baya on talking about like righteous anger

1:19.3

and how like it shows us that a boundary has been crossed and so it's like those are that's beautiful

1:25.0

and those are typically thought of as negative emotions I can't think of a goddamn thing for shame other than supporting the patriarchy. And that, my friend, is not a good thing. It's not a good thing. No, I agree with you. I mean, I agreed with you before you even explained yourself, but I just, you explained it so beautifully. I agree completely. And unfortunately, but fortunately for us, we all deal with so much

1:47.4

shame that it's kind of nice that we get to talk about it and normalize these things that we've made

1:53.6

to be so big in our head and so scary and riddled in shame, dripping in shame, buzzing in shame,

2:00.3

and kind of take that off a little bit.

2:03.4

So I'm sad that we all go through it, but I'm happy you're here because all we do is try to shrug it

2:10.8

off you together. And I think even if we aren't able to get rid of the shame completely, at least

2:16.6

we are able to see one another in it and sit with one another in it and realize like, I am not alone.

2:22.2

I am not the only one who thinks my labia are weird or I am not the only one who's nervous about getting it from behind because they'll see my butthole.

2:31.0

You know what I mean?

2:31.7

It's like I'm not the only one.

...

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