225. “We’re losing $5k/mo. Where is it all going?”

Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

Ramit Sethi

Relationships, Society & Culture, Investing, Business

4.6 • 3.1K Ratings

🗓️ 9 September 2025

⏱️ 103 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Lashan (50) and David (49) have been married for nearly two decades, raising three children and building stable government careers. But when health complications and a sudden return-to-office mandate pressured Lashan into early retirement, their income dropped. Suddenly, $5,000 a month seems to vanish into thin air. Lashan, meticulous and controlling with money, carries the full weight of their financial future, while David remains passive and supportive from the sidelines. But the stakes are high: a mortgage, looming college costs, and the urgency to create meaningful memories while Lashan still can. Can Ramit help them uncover where the money is going, build a roadmap for the future, and finally get David to step up as a true financial partner? In this episode we uncover: • Why Lashan was pressured into early retirement • How $5,000 a month in “guilt-free spending” keeps disappearing • How David’s childhood scarcity shaped his urge to spend money now • Evictions and shut-off notices from Lashan’s childhood have driven her obsession with control and bill paying • Why David earned the “ignorant reassurer” label • How compartmentalizing her terminal diagnosis keeps Lashan focused on bills instead of her deepest fears • Ramit’s challenge to flip their money roles • The invisible financial work Lashan handles that David barely sees • Why paying bills feels like love and safety for Lashan • How Lashan ended up caring for everyone else but not herself Chapters: (00:00:00) “I’ve cried more about leaving my job than my diagnosis” (00:19:25) Ramit breaks down their numbers (00:38:02) “Eviction notices… the electricity might be off” (00:46:32) “I’m going to die… and I can’t do this all alone” (01:10:44) Redefining what family memories look like (01:20:28) Paying off debt isn’t enough—planning for life after (01:28:23) “I feel like I see the possibility for joy and fun” (01:36:01) Where are they now? Lashan and David’s follow-ups This episode is brought to you by: LMNT | Right now, LMNT is offering 8 single serving packets FREE with any LMNT order. Get yours at https://drinklmnt.com/RAMIT. Gelt | Book a tax consultation with Gelt at https://joingelt.com/ramit. As a member of my community, you can skip the waitlist. Netsuite | Download the CFO's Guide to AI and Machine Learning at https://netsuite.com/ramit. Fabric by Gerber Life | Join the thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply today in just minutes at https://meetfabric.com/ramit. DeleteMe | If you want to get your personal information removed from the web, go to https://joindeleteme.com/ramit for 20% off. Links mentioned in this episode • Get tickets for my next live events—September 14 in Atlanta and September 26 in Los Angeles—at iwt.com/events Connect with Ramit • Get my new book, Money For Couples • Get Money Coaching with Ramit • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Listen to my book—now on Audible • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	I don't think that we're spending that much. I don't think that's right.
0:03.8	$5,000 a month on guilt-free spending. Where is it? I don't know. She pretty much takes care of that. She handles it. Oftentimes she may pay bills that I don't know about. If I have extra, I'm like $1,000 on the credit card, $1,500 on the HELOC. I don't think that's happening. Where's the rest of the money going?
0:19.9	$5,000 a month.
0:20.9	What are you spending money on?
0:23.4	Listen to what Lashon He-Lock. I don't think that's happening. Where's the rest of the money going? $5,000 a month. What are you spending money on?
0:23.3	Listen to what Lashon wrote in her application. I managed the finances, which is already stressful.
0:29.9	I just opted to retire early from my federal job due to health concerns, and now I'm even more anxious.
0:37.0	I worry that I made the wrong decision
0:39.0	and that my family will be on the street because of it. Today I'm talking with Lashan and David.
0:45.4	She's 50, he's 49, and their entire financial life just changed overnight. Lashan made the
0:51.8	decision to retire very quickly, and you're going to hear why in our
0:54.8	conversation. But as the one managing their money, she is panicked. Did I make a huge mistake? Are we
1:01.3	going to lose everything? And now they're asking the same question many couples do when their
1:06.3	income changes. Are we going to be okay? Let's look at their numbers. I'm going to pull up their
1:11.5	conscious spending plan right now, which tells me how much they make, how much they spend,
1:15.8	and what their four key numbers are. If you want to run your own numbers, the same way I do,
1:21.0	download your free conscious spending plan at IWT.com slash CSP. Here we go. Assets, 586,952. Investments, 824,198. Savings, 30,377. Debt, $227,000, $257.
1:43.3	Total net worth, $1.2 million. Fixed costs, 50%. Investments zero. That's a bit concerning.
1:52.5	Savings, 6%. And guilt-free spending, a whopping 44%. Okay. Honestly, these numbers look pretty great for a couple in their late 40s,
2:04.0	early 50s, but I suspect these numbers are going to change quite a bit with one income coming
2:09.5	down because of early retirement. So I have a lot of questions. Let's get started with
2:14.2	Lashon and David. Lashon, you have been the financial leader in your family for decades, and you are now
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Ramit Sethi, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Ramit Sethi and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.