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Hello Dysfunction

223: Put On a Tool Belt

Hello Dysfunction

Hello Dysfunction

Comedy, Improv

51.8K Ratings

🗓️ 13 August 2023

⏱️ 63 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

We’ve had a week of bullshit, another one bites the dust, more words we like and some new natural biohacks. Watch who you pocket dial, costume jewelry is not for men, pray for Maui and we’re headed to the desert.

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Transcript

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0:00.0

Hi kids! Hey! That was abrupt. This is a second time it stops very abrupt. Yeah, usually there's

0:26.0

fatage. Like it fades out. Yeah, I don't know what that is. But we're here episode 223 like my favorite bullet.

0:39.7

Today it's been bullshit from the time I open my eyes. Listen, I'm known for having patience.

0:47.1

Every bit of it is fucking gone. Yeah, I'm not a positive person today. I'm not a happy girl.

0:53.4

Mm-hmm. I'm really rude. I don't want anybody to hit my phone. I don't want anybody to DM me nothing for like a good four days because I'm like a fucking raging bitch right now. I said nobody. I don't want to hear my name called for like a week. See I'm so serious. Like it's been non we need a break. It's been non-stop bullshit. People talking to us crazy. I've been dealing with people being messy. I have a fucking yeast infection. I took my nails off.

1:23.4

Last night and my fingertips are throbbing and shredded. And I got to get a new set tomorrow, which is going to be fun. It's just been back-to-back. Starbucks made our drinks wrong just now. First world problems. For sure. Now I feel guilty for complaining. No, it's just been a lot of frustrations. Little mini frustrations. No, like ever since we went to the cabin, it's been non-stop. Like I haven't had like one fucking like day off.

1:53.4

No, we just talked about that yesterday. And also I just want to say one thing. I don't know if y'all think that me and her are around each other all the time. We're not. We're sitting around doing nothing all the time. No. I don't be seeing this bitch until we can get in for an episode. Yes. And other than that, we're both dealing with non-stop bullshit of our own. And even then, shit, you see there ain't no set schedule. What day and episode? No, it's like-

2:23.4

What day and where are we fitting? Like literally. I come straight from fucking working five and a half hours. And I know that doesn't sound like a long shift, but it's a non-stop shift. And I come straight from that. Literally, I walk in the house and we record. Yeah. So yeah, there's no like high, like how we're things. No, we get to it as soon as we can. Yeah, we're not fucking off. Yeah. And we say that just because we had an incident with a listener,

2:53.4

somebody thought they were being given the run around and that's never the case. That's never the fucking case. We always have good. Our intentions are always good. Yeah. Especially when it comes to something that we hold near and dear, like our show and our listeners and our communities. Yeah. Like that really means a lot to us. So that's like the one thing we're not going to fuck around on. No. This morning, I woke up and I had some drama with a couple friends like two weeks ago, maybe two weeks ago.

3:23.4

Two or three weeks ago, where a good friend of mine, who was a listener, probably isn't anymore, he's been my friend for years and he used to give me money sometimes. And he was one of those kind of friends.

3:38.4

He like hit me and was like randomly like, oh, there's something I got to tell you and like hand on the forehead and shit. Like I should have been said something and all this. And I'm like, what?

3:49.4

So come to find out like he had been fucking with one of my friends. And it's like, it's not a close ass friend, but it's like someone that I had been going out with recently. And like, he knew that and didn't say shit.

4:01.4

And so I guess he was like, he'll closely fucking with her lately. And I was like, okay, like probably could have gave me a heads up, you know what I'm saying?

4:10.4

But because you're at the same time hitting me. And so don't play well.

4:14.4

Yeah, yeah, just being gross man shit, like hitting me at the same time, still buying nudes, still like, you know, caching me out here and there. But like, you're fucking with my friends seriously.

4:26.4

Like, oh, okay, wow. So I went off. And when I went off, he sat back and let me basically think at the time that like she purposely knew everything.

4:39.4

He let me think that she knew about me and him and like the extent of our friendship. And that she didn't want me to know that they were fucking around.

4:48.4

He basically let my friend look like the shady one. So I start talking shit about her out of like anger and being hurt feelings and like what kind of weird shit are y'all on.

4:59.4

And so I like whatever I said some things. And then after that, like, I don't know, she was done with him. Or so I don't know, it was like messy shit.

5:08.4

But I was prepared to cut her off because of it. And I was just like, that's weird like to not want to tell me I'm cool. Like I already fuck with like three people in my life as it is.

5:17.4

I have no problem cutting more off. So I was like, cool, I'mma just step back. So then since that happened a few weeks ago, he continued to like try to make plans with me to hook up.

5:29.4

And like, you know, try to shoot me some bread and like this and that. Well, I wake up today. Mind you, you know, she me and her finally had words. And then it was like, oh, she didn't know.

...

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