222. A Christmas Carol
The Allusionist
Helen Zaltzman
4.7 • 3.8K Ratings
🗓️ 7 December 2025
⏱️ 168 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Today, we read the novelisation of The Muppet Christmas Carol, also known as the 1843 festive lit hit A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Read by me, Helen Zaltzman; music, sound effects and additional vocals are by Martin Austwick of palebirdmusic.com.
Content warning: 200-year-old attitudes towards disability. Also warning for GHOSTS.
Scroll way down your podfeed or go to theallusionist.org/dickens-christmas to listen to the episode called How The Dickens Stole Christmas, which is about just why this book has such a big influence on festivities even nearly two centuries later. And it features podcasting luminaries Greg Jenner, Katie Mingle and Avery Trufelman.
There are also several other festive episodes of the show, including ones about why Santa St Nick Father Christmas Kringle Klaas has so many names, Christmas song lyrics where the letters sent to Santa go, and a portmanteau word that kicked off a lot of War On Christmas. They're all gathered at theallusionist.org/festivelusionist.
Support the show at theallusionist.org/donate and as well as keeping this independent podcast going, you also get to list your creative works in this year's Allusioverse Gift Guide, plus you receive bonus written material about every episode; regular livestreams with me and Martin reading from my ever-growing collection of dictionaries; and the charming and nurturing Allusioverse Discord community, where among daily sharing of thoughts and amusements, this month we will be watching The Muppet Christmas Carol and Knives Out.
Find the Allusionist at youtube.com/allusionistshow, instagram.com/allusionistshow, facebook.com/allusionistshow, @allusionistshow.bsky.social… If I’m there, I’m there as @allusionistshow.
Our ad partner is Multitude. If you want me to talk compellingly about your product, sponsor an episode: contact Multitude at multitude.productions/ads. This episode is sponsored by:
• Greenwood Lake Roasters, purveyors of small batch craft coffee roasted just outside of NYC. Go to GreenwoodLakeRoasters.com to place your order - do it between now and December 31st and use the checkout code ALLUSIONIST to get 10% off small batch coffee and subscription orders.
• Squarespace, your one-stop shop for building and running your online forever home. Go to squarespace.com/allusionist for a free trial, and get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code allusionist.
• Rosetta Stone, immersive and effective language learning. Allusionist listeners get 50% off lifetime membership - that's unlimited access to all 25 language courses, for life - at rosettastone.com/allusionist.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is The Illusionist, in which I, Helen Zaltzman, and today, for a change, reading |
| 0:09.1 | the novelisation of the Muppet Christmas Carol, aka A. Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. |
| 0:15.3 | Among the festive illusionist episodes, which are gathered at theillusionist.org slash festive illusionist, |
| 0:20.2 | is one called |
| 0:21.0 | How the Dickens stole Christmas, all about why so much of the 21st century Christmas |
| 0:25.4 | is inflected by the 1843 novel The Christmas Carol. |
| 0:30.1 | But as you'll hear here, it is still kind of a banger. |
| 0:33.7 | Although, content warning, 200-year-old attitudes towards disability. |
| 0:38.9 | Also warning for ghosts. |
| 0:41.5 | This was originally recorded in front of a live YouTube audience in December 2024. |
| 0:46.6 | I read it on a live stream over four days with scoring and additional vocals by house band Martin Austwick. |
| 0:52.5 | It means you will hear some page turns, sniffles, blunders. |
| 0:56.5 | The video version is still available on YouTube.com slash illusionist show. |
| 1:00.4 | On it, you can see Martin dancing away to his own music, and also you can see the swirly |
| 1:05.0 | atmospheric backdrops he provided. |
| 1:07.1 | But here it is in handy audio book form, I guess. |
| 1:10.0 | We are available for voice jobs and scoring. |
| 1:13.4 | Can you believe I don't have a voice agent? |
| 1:15.3 | I know, I know. |
| 1:17.1 | Support The Illusionist for as little as $2 a month at Theelusionist.org slash donate. |
| 1:21.9 | And not only do you help fund the continuing existence of this independent podcast, |
| 1:26.2 | but also you get regular live streams with me, |
... |
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