Hey guys, brand new, something's burning. I almost called it something's burning. Brand new, open tabs. I'm the man with three shows.

Bert Cast where I interview people. Something's burning. We got an affirmative on a possible Joe Rogan camhains hunting something's burning today when I did the Joe Rogan by experience.

Pretty fucking excited. And this shows open tabs. It is where I go through and I leave all my tabs open for the entire weekend when I peruse the internet even porn. And then we go through clothes and I tell you what I learned.

Should be a good fucking. Did you see the picture of that I flake on a rehab. Yes.

Brow, that broke my heart. He looks awful. He looks so good and fucking Jennifer Gardner is a goddamn fucking gangster. Every man should be lucky enough to have that woman like that in their lives.

Are they married? No man. No. For real. For real. She just fucking loves him. She's fucking amazing man. Shout out to Jennifer Gardner.

Shout out to Ben, Ben Affleck. I hope things get better man. I hope you find some happiness. I know I don't I don't know where it's to be to be where he is.

But I have friends have been there and that just bombs. I'll pull up the picture later. I'm not going to open with that. Why Bert? Because we open with this.

Fucking midnight tonight August 24th. My Netflix special secret time. Errors. What is this Bert?

Oh shit. A little trailer. Zip lining joke. That's my cousin Tom. We're just getting drunk. Tell us secrets motherfuckers. That's a zip lining joke. Secret time when my wife has an orgasm. She looks like Elvis.

That's true.

Whatever your mom said's fine, but this is your dad talking now when it comes to drugs. Just take half. Yeah.

I wake up like golf. I grab two diet cogs. Go to the parents teacher conference. Sit down crack my diet coke. Take a sip and realize I have a core's light.

That is a game time decision. Somebody says. We went to the whole family. The first rule is zip lining it. When in doubt spread them out. George is like, I know that's our new catch.

It's when in doubt spread them out. I'm like, no, it's fucking not. I am not sending you to high school. The old women out spread them out.

This air is tonight. Secret time. Bert Kreischer. Netflix. It's comedy. It's comedy. Go check it out. Just have fun with it. It's out there for the next four years.

So if you can't see it tonight, see it Monday, see it next week. Have a doughnut date. Whatever. Thank you. Fucking thank you everyone. Thank you in advance for watching my special.

Thank you. Don't think I won't be playing that trailer every day for the rest of the fucking time. I have this goddamn podcast. Thank you. Thank you.

How do we start off the podcast today, Bert? We start the podcast by talking about the goddamn triathlon. I never talked about. I never talked about the triathlon.

Now listen, if I'm someone, if I am anything, I am someone who does something and talks about it insensitently. I only do things to talk about them. I only do things to talk about them.

I only live life to talk about it. That is my whole purpose on this planet is to talk about the shit I do on stage. That's it. That's it.

Did I ever tell you about the time I ran a triathlon? Oh, maybe I did. No training. Five hours, 33 minutes, 33 seconds. Fucking killed it.

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