Have you ever had a massive, gut-wrenching, devastating, traumatic breakup that ended a relationship before you wanted the relationship to end? Did you follow it up by an all-consuming expectation hangover? If you are a human being, chances are you have. 

Most people  have at least one issue-based relationship. They attract people who trigger unresolved issues from their past. They value being in a relationship more than they value the lessons of the relationship and repeat the pattern over and over again. They treat being single like a disease, which needs to be cured immediately.

Relationships are an opportunity for us to grow. To find out a little more about whom we really are. When we consider how we feel about what we do instead of just the doing, we have a clearer picture of the qualities we embody.

If a relationship ended before you wanted it to, consider it a rite of passage. Embrace your feelings about it and then put a time limit on your heartbreak. Your heart can hurt but it should be full of unconditional love for yourself. Start falling back in love, but with yourself. Be kind and use your creativity as a channel of expression and healing.

Today's conversation is with Monika who dares to dream and love in a big way. She moved to a foreign country and a 3 month trip turned into a 2 year stay after falling in love. The relationship ended in betrayal. Feeling her trust is forever broken, she has decided to toughen her heart and use the breakup as an excuse not to move forward with her life.

Remember on Saturdays I release my new Coaches Corner episodes. This week will be on "5 Tips for Getting Over a Breakup". And if you want to hear about my history on the subject of love, you can listen to my first Over and On with It podcast.

 

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Have you given yourself the diagnosis of heartbroken and feel completely stuck?
• Did you set a relationship goal that wasn't realized and now you have an expectation hangover?
• Do you value a relationship by how long it lasts? So if it ends, do you feel you failed in some way?
• Is it easy to answer the question "Who are you?" with positive responses?
• Can you honestly say you feel love for yourself?

 

Monika's Question:

Monika went through an intense breakup in a foreign country. She feels her trust was crushed; she is now paralyzed by fear and is scared to take the next step forward in her life.

 

Monika's Key Insights and Aha's:

• She's a people pleaser
• She doesn't value herself
• She attaches her self-worth to achievement
• Her self-criticism is a habit

 

How to get over it and on with it:

• Trust herself and treat herself like the valuable woman she is
• Re-direct her thoughts into her improvement
• Improve her relationship with herself
• Go deeper into her spiritual practice
• Do things to make her feel alive and connected
• She should paint an image of trust

 

Tools and Takeaways:

• Focus on how you want to feel about a result rather than the outcome itself
• Write a list of who you are and use it to fall in love with yourself
• Start a 40-day practice or discipline to put down your defenses
• Use your creativity as a channel of expression and healing

 

Resources:

Christine Hassler

Expectation Hangover

@christinhassler on twitter

@christinehassler on Instagram

christine@christinehassler.com