212. "He's terrified of losing it all—so she's losing him"

Money For Couples

Ramit Sethi

Relationships, Society & Culture, Investing, Business

4.6 • 3.1K Ratings

🗓️ 10 June 2025

⏱️ 93 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Vanessa (48) and George (59) have been married for five years and run two businesses together, but still keep their finances separate, leading to recurring tension, resentment, and financial instability. Vanessa is a risk-tolerant entrepreneur who sees money as a tool for growth. George is nearing retirement, risk-averse, and clings to financial security. They split everything 50/50, even when Vanessa stopped drawing a paycheck from their business. Now, with $482K in debt and $28K in savings, George’s retirement is looming, making their financial foundation feel unstable. His fear-based money spirals derail productive conversations, while Vanessa feels alone, unsupported, and afraid their misalignment could threaten their future. Can they learn to trust each other, merge their financial lives, and build a shared vision before retirement kicks in? This episode is brought to you by: Factor | Get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box at https://factormeals.com/ramit50off with code RAMIT50OFF. Rocket Money | Stop throwing your money away. Cancel unwanted subscriptions – and manage your expenses the easy way – by going to https://rocketmoney.com/ramit. Masterclass | For unlimited access to every class and 15% off an annual membership, go to https://masterclass.com/ramit. Trust & Will | Protect what matters most in minutes at https://trustandwill.com/ramit and get 10% off plus free shipping. LMNT | Right now, LMNT is offering 8 single serving packets FREE with any LMNT order. This is a great way to try LMNT’s most popular flavors. Get yours at https://drinklmnt.com/RAMIT. Links mentioned in this episode • Order my new book: Money for Couples Connect with Ramit • Get Money Coaching with Ramit • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Listen to my book—now on Audible • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.

Transcript

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0:00.0	How can you trust me with all of the business money, but it doesn't seem like you feel the same way about our personal money?
0:04.9	I think with the business is there's protections in place with personal money. There's not.
0:08.6	That's probably what it comes down to, security or feeling secure about money.
0:12.4	It's like pulling teeth to get him to want to talk about this stuff as if I'm on my own.
0:17.3	But there still is a bit of me that has that fear. I still have this anxiety about it.
0:22.8	It did make me feel immediately distrusted. I hear panic. I hear a lot of fear. My fear is driving
0:28.0	my decision making. I had left my last marriage with absolutely nothing. I had no money,
0:33.2	nowhere to live, no vehicle. I get really, really uncomfortable with that. Asking for help is not something I'm good at. I don't want to wait till I'm 70 to figure this out.
0:42.3	I have to keep track of how much I owe him and he doesn't keep track of it.
0:46.3	Vanessa. He says, I don't know how much you owe me.
0:49.3	Vanessa. I feel like I have to do all the work. Does it work? I'm about to speak to Vanessa and George. Vanessa's 48,
0:56.1	George is 59. They own two businesses together, and they have been married for five years.
1:02.0	But interestingly, they have not combined their personal finances. I'm looking at their
1:07.0	conscious spending plan. You can also download your own template for free at IWT.com slash CSP. Looking at their conscious spending plan, you can also download your own template for free at
1:10.8	IWT.com slash CSP.
1:14.3	Looking at the numbers, they earn roughly $200,000 combined.
1:18.5	Their assets are listed at $3.4 million.
1:22.8	I'm curious to learn about that.
1:24.2	What's interesting is that their investments here are just $157,000, which in their
1:30.1	late 40s and 50s, I would expect that number to be much higher, especially given their income.
1:37.5	And their debt is $478,000. Fixed costs are 46% quite low. Investments 10%, savings 9%, guilt-free spending, 35%. Honestly,
1:51.7	I don't have a lot of comments on their spending right now, although I am a little bit puzzled
	...

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