meta_pixel
Tapesearch Logo
Log in
The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk

211: Vanessa Van Edwards - How To Be Instantly Irresistible

The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk

Ryan Hawk

Business, Careers, Management

4.9 • 1.4K Ratings

🗓️ 25 June 2017

⏱️ 33 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Episode 211: Vanessa Van Edwards - How To Be Instantly Irresistible

Subscribe on iTunes  or Stitcher Radio

"Vulnerability is sexy.  There is science to prove it."

Show Notes:

  • Sustained Excellence = Being a people reader (not a mind reader)
    • Try to listen to others more than anyone else
    • Get to KNOW the person
    • 3 Skills
      • Decoding - Leaders who are able to read others accurately
      • Encoding - Your ability to send accurate signals to others... What can I do to excite others?
      • Self-Regulation
  • The art/science of inspiring others
  • We decide if someone is a winner or a loser... Do they feel pride or shame? If we feel pride, we take up more space, shame = less space
  • Charisma -- How to be instantly irresistible?
  • The most charismatic people
    • High Warmth
    • High Competence
    • Must have both
    • Lucille Ball is a great example. I Love Lucy
  • Do you need high levels of charisma to be an effective leader?
    • You do not need to be extroverted... Or a booming leader
    • Quiet, contemplative types can be phenomenal leaders
  • How to handle a room with a lot of people networking if you're an introvert?
    • Your key in this room is to try and create 1 on 1 conversations. Play to your strengths
    • Don't stand in the center of the room
    • Stand at a high bar table
    • Low light areas
  • Conversation hacks:
    • Sparks - The brain looks for hits, not misses
    • "Anything good happen lately?
    • "Working on anything exciting?"
  • Ask soft yes/no questions...
    • "A really skilled decoder is a better listener than anyone else"
  • "Vulnerability is sexy.  There is science to prove it."
  • "Relatability comes down to ties." -- Saying "Oh, me too" creates a tie with that person.
    • "You want this, I want this..." type speeches
  • The 7 micro-expressions

"The most charismatic people have: high warmth and high competence."

 

Social Media:

More Learning:

Episode 078: Kat Cole – From Hooters Waitress To President of Cinnabon

Episode 071: NateBoyer - Green Beret, Texas Football, The NFL

Episode 179: How To Sustain Excellence - The Best Answers From 178 Questions

Episode 107: Simon Sinek – Leadership: It Starts With Why

The Learning Leader Show is supported by Rhone.  Use the code "Hawk" for 15% off.  Rhone... premium activewear engineered with principle, performance and progress for the modern man.  Rhone builds clothing around 3 main tenants: Cutting-edge Performance, Premium Comfort, and Simplistic Style.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

A really skilled decoder is listening much deeper than anyone else listens.

0:07.7

They are not only listening to the obvious answer, they're also listening to what wasn't

0:12.1

answered. They're listening to what wasn't answered. They're listening to what

0:14.1

didn't come up or what wasn't brought up. They're watching for facial

0:17.1

expressions. They're listening to voice tone inflection. They're thinking

0:20.0

about how long did that person pause before that answer and that's going to

0:23.6

dictate if you're a really good decoder, what signals you want to encode to

0:27.7

them.

0:29.7

Hey and welcome to the Learning Leaders Show. I am Ryan Hawk. Thanks so much for being here. What a conversation this was with Vanessa Van Edwards. First reminder,

0:41.0

join us for Mindful Monday.

0:44.2

Sign up on Learning Leader.com.

0:46.0

Simply put in your email

0:47.1

and you'll get a dose of mindfulness

0:49.2

every Monday morning at 9 o'clock Eastern.

0:53.2

I love the response I've received from the people in the group

0:56.2

and I love to have you in it as well.

0:58.4

On to tonight's talk with Vanessa Van Edwards.

1:02.2

She is a published author and behavioral investigator, professional people-watch her, speaking,

1:07.6

researching and cracking the code of interesting human behavior for audiences around the world.

1:13.1

Her most recent book is incredible.

1:15.0

It's called Captivate, the Science of Succeeding

1:18.0

with People.

...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Ryan Hawk, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Ryan Hawk and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.

Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.