208: Small Town Drunk

Hello Dysfunction

Comedy, Improv

5 • 1.8K Ratings

🗓️ 6 April 2023

⏱️ 93 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Rest In Peace Queen Prudence.
Stand on one foot if something is wrong.
Pata Fria is a single woman and will be for the rest of her life.
Poppies and eagles are for Merica.
Carolyn is gonna hit Crystal any day now.
Uncle Jimmy wants something and Pata Fria really doesn’t need alcohol.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, guys. Hi. Welcome to episode 208 of Hello Disfunction. I'm Crystal. That's patty cakes full of dysfunction.
0:27.3	There's some holes in the house. There's some holes in the house. I had to get it out. Sorry.
0:32.3	It was fucking wrong with you. Your mental illness wouldn't stop playing it. No, it's horrible, horrible.
0:40.1	I get earworms all day every fucking day. And like the compulsion to sing them out loud is so strong.
0:48.0	If I don't, I want to punch a hole in the wall. I get them on a replay. Like, it can even be like a phrase.
0:53.3	It doesn't have to be a song, but it'll be on loop all day and night. But I'll, I know how to distract myself.
0:58.8	I'll just like turn something on. It's the worst. Yeah. God damn it's the worst.
1:04.5	Well, you let it out. I did. There will probably be more you guys.
1:09.8	She's eating something out of a vintage Tupperware that I really, it's pumpkin color Tupperware.
1:15.2	It's like a deep pumpkin. I appreciate it. It's price. It's, I think this is 70s Tupperware. I like it.
1:22.3	It's very nostalgic. Yeah, that's why I love it. And nothing works as good as this type of Tupperware.
1:28.0	It probably has less cancer. Possibly. Yeah. It's so much better than the cheap. I don't know,
1:34.4	I'm not. I just love this shit. It's just very nostalgic. I just want you guys to know I'm eating vanilla
1:39.1	Greek yogurt with raspberries, blackberries, cinnamon bun granola, and a smidge of cookie butter on the
1:46.5	side. It's really fucking, I've been eating really healthy lately. Good. That's good. So now I'm
1:52.0	better than everybody else. Right. Okay. That's kidding. Let's start out this episode with
2:00.2	rest in peace prudence, queen prudence. I know. The sweetest sun croissant you could ever possibly
2:06.9	meet. It's always heartbreaking when you lose your, your baby, your pet. Like she's a queen,
2:12.7	our dear listener, mexicish lian, the main mod queen of the world. Of the world. That's her,
2:20.0	her baby that's been with her for probably like half her life more than half her life. She was 19
2:25.6	years old, 18 or 19. Yeah, because it was like her birthday. Do you know how old that is for a dog?
2:31.1	I don't, but it sounds very old. So little dogs live longer, typically than larger dogs. Little
	...

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