Don Minimists

Hello everybody welcome to the Minimists podcast where we discuss what it means to live a meaningful life with less my name is Joshua Phil's Millburn and I'm Ryan Nicodemus and together we are the minimalist today Ryan we're gonna talk about raising kids.

I love talking about raising kids when I don't have any children myself. So easy to give advice.

We're gonna talk about the data behind good parenting and we're gonna talk about how parents can be more confident in their parenting decisions and we're gonna do that with today's guests Emily Elster from Brown University is here Emily is the author of two books one is expecting better which is Emily was a book about pregnancy and then once you're done being pregnant you actually have to raise the kids.

That's true. Yes. And then so we have her next book here here newest book is called crib sheet a data driven guide to better more relaxed parenting from birth to preschool. What a good book it's a I love how it's like a it's a great reference book for every almost every subject you can think of when it comes to raising a child.

That's my hope. Yeah. To the age of like three. And after that you're on your own.

I'll hold this up for the YouTube body into who's watching this if you're listening at home you can't see it but it's a beautiful cover and it's a it's a really good book I was actually reading this book in the hospital last week my six year old was in the hospital having a surgery that was planned and I was in there and everyone was coughing on me and and so I'm getting over a cold myself and I was telling Emily before we started recording I really wish I would have had this six years ago it would have been really helpful which my parents would have had it.

38 years ago now Emily this is a listener driven show so let's dive into some questions here our first question today is from Beth in Arlington Virginia.

Hi Ryan and Josh I am Beth from Arlington Virginia I am finally at a stable place in my personal and professional life after being in school for 25 straight years and completing four degrees including my doctor last year.

My family and friends keep asking when are you going to get married and what about having kids I put education of the priority in my life and now that I am done I'm in the dilemma if one day I do get married and if we decide to have kids I'm struggling with which partner will have to sacrifice their career to help raise the family.

Although I live a minimal and joy driven lifestyle I have invested 25 years and over $400,000 in tuition and student loans to obtain a great job where I save lives every day.

Do you have any advice on making sacrifices to raise a family and if the mother doesn't want to give up her career what should they support of spouse do in return.

Emily you are an economist your husband is also an economist right absolutely I imagine walking to your house it's just like spreadsheets everywhere I like your children has to do something you're like there's not enough data to support that decision I'm sorry I was in the thing that is everywhere in our house our checklists are families like really into checklists just like they're like all over the place different checklists that is great.

If you want to go to your friends house give me a checklist we'll go over it show me the data and if it makes sense yeah you can go over to your friends house I did tell my eight year old the other day like she said I want to have the following change in my in my like something I have permission to do and I was like that's great what did you write up a proposal for like how we will how we will do that but you have to be fair she hasn't done that she's like I forget it fine I think there is like there is an advantage to raising your kids that way to kind of help them just think about things in a in a very

different way instead of going on emotion I mean the kids are they're really good on acting on emotion but kind of doing that helps them kind of act off of the love of some reasoning I guess so what let's talk to Beth here about you she mentioned sacrifices she mentioned and I think that's true you we always have to make saccharine having kids is a sacrifice self I think Emily would call it an opportunity cost I would yeah absolutely and and so let's talk about some of those sacrifices but also

finding a partner because you really the term co parenting generally means like parents have split up and and now they're you know they're raising kids separately but we I mean my wife and I in our six year old

daughter were co parenting because we're parenting together right yeah I mean I think sort of thinking about what Beth said I think there was an underlying part of that

question which somehow presumed that if she does choose to have kids that she will somehow somebody will have to give up

something about their career and that it will it will sort of have to be her that that would be the default and I think there is a sense in which when you have a kid like that something else you have to you have to do and it's sort of silly to pretend that there aren't going to be sacrifices or there there aren't going to be that that isn't going to take time that you would be doing from from other things but I I also think I I would not want people to go into this thinking you know if I'm a woman and I have a kid that's going to be it for all this investment I made in my in my career because there are ways to

to manage that and one of the things I talk about in the book is you know what is the evidence about having two parents work versus somebody stay home and the evidence says that those are both fine in terms of your kids outcomes that you kids do sort of similarly well with two parents working or one parent working and one parent not and so that doesn't have to be a choice that if I decide to have a kid I'm going to decide not to have a job although I think it's fair to think about you know the kid is going to require something to do with the kids and I think that's going to have a job.

You know the kid is going to require some time and energy and you're going to need to think about how you how you manage that and how you manage it with both with both parents.

Yeah, I totally agree like you don't have to choose one of the other. I think something I would tell Beth here also is what you mentioned her priority and like how you know school and her job is her priority.

...