What do a counterfeit cash scheme, a Target return counter, and a doomed diamond heist have in common? Absolutely terrible decision-making—and that’s exactly what’s waiting for you in this episode of The Shallow End. JG and Lindsay dive headfirst into two wildly absurd true crime stories that prove sometimes the biggest threat to criminals… is themselves. First, a man in Augusta, Georgia attempts to return a printer—only to accidentally leave behind sheets of freshly printed counterfeit money inside. What follows is a slow-motion unraveling of one of the least thought-out crimes imaginable, all thanks to a diligent retail employee and one very talkative machine. Then, things somehow get even worse. Meet Leroy and Marcy, two aspiring jewel thieves whose meticulously unmeticulously planned heist ends with smashed glass, a panicked escape, and a fateful elevator ride straight into disaster. With stolen diamond rings, a broken getaway plan, and one unforgettable attempt to hide evidence (yes… inside a human body), this story spirals into one of the most spectacularly botched robberies you’ll ever hear. Along the way, the team shares outrageous customer service horror stories—including attempted double refunds, questionable return logic, and the kind of retail chaos that makes you wonder how humanity functions at all. This episode is packed with laugh-out-loud moments, unbelievable true stories, and a reminder that crime doesn’t pay… especially when you forget the evidence in the printer. In this episode: A counterfeit operation undone by a simple return A jewelry heist foiled by… an elevator Real-life retail stories that defy logic Dumb decisions, instant consequences, and comedy gold If you love hilarious true crime, ridiculous criminals, and stories that make you feel just a little bit smarter by comparison, this episode is for you. Listen now—and remember: make good choices… your life might depend on it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices