202. “She racked up $50K in debt — why should I trust her with money?”

Money For Couples

Ramit Sethi

Relationships, Society & Culture, Investing, Business

4.6 • 3.1K Ratings

🗓️ 1 April 2025

⏱️ 88 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Emma (39) and Dave (39) make $258,000 a year—but they’re stuck in a toxic money dynamic. She built a financial plan during maternity leave. He didn’t believe her. Now, they’re battling over trust, $50K in debt, and whether they can afford a $700K house. With conflicting money roles—she’s the anxious planner, he’s the passive skeptic—they can’t move forward. In this episode, Ramit breaks down their “chaser/avoider” dynamic, the emotional cost of skepticism, and how to finally create a shared vision. This episode is brought to you by: Stamps.com | Sign up at https://stamps.com/ramit for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage, and a free digital scale. Trust & Will | Protect what matters most in minutes at https://trustandwill.com/ramit and get 20% off plus free shipping. Fabric by Gerber Life | Join the thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply today in just minutes at https://meetfabric.com/ramit. LMNT | Right now, LMNT is offering 8 single serving packets FREE with any LMNT order. This is a great way to try all 8 flavors. Get yours at https://drinklmnt.com/RAMIT DeleteMe | If you want to get your personal information removed from the web, go to https://joindeleteme.com/ramit for 20% off. Links mentioned in this episode • Order my new book: Money for Couples Connect with Ramit • Get Money Coaching with Ramit • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Listen to my book—now on Audible • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.

Transcript

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0:00.0	I don't want to tell you what I did.
0:01.2	Tell me, come on.
0:02.1	Emma believes she's the best with money,
0:05.4	and I feel that she's not.
0:08.8	Part of it was our wedding.
0:10.6	I took a loan for my 401 just to make sure we had money.
0:14.3	What the f***? You took out a loan to pay for your wedding?
0:16.5	How much?
0:17.1	I'm putting all this money in the savings,
0:18.7	and you're still telling me it's not enough.
0:24.8	I have this, like, small chunk of money that's, like, controlling what I can and can't do.
0:30.6	Discretionary money stresses me. When we have these financial conversations, they typically don't end well, and I think I want to hear this from someone else. It encapsulates a lot of the
0:35.5	conversations we have. I'm talking. Dave is listening,
0:38.9	but he doesn't really believe in what I'm saying. I don't think it's funny when one partner is
0:43.4	skeptical of another. I actually think it's one of the most soul-crushing dynamics that
0:47.7	exists in a relationship. And also, you have a narrative. We don't have any money. We're not
0:51.6	spending anything. Guys, if you don't effectively
0:54.3	communicate, you can't make good decisions. You're going to slide into every financial decision
0:59.8	of your life. I'm about to open Dave and Emma's conscious spending plan, which breaks down their
1:04.7	net worth, income, and where they spend their money. You can download and create your own
1:09.7	conscious spending plan at IWT.com
1:13.3	slash CSP. That's a free download at IWT.com slash CSP.
	...

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