201. Sexual Fantasy with Dr. Lehmiller

You Are Not Broken

Kelly Casperson, MD

Medicine, Health & Fitness

5 • 743 Ratings

🗓️ 5 March 2023

⏱️ 42 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Justin Lehmiller, author of Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How it can help you improve your sex life. He is a social psychologist and a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Why research Fantasy? Should we normalize fantasy? So many people feel shame or like they are cheating. Are there hormones correlated with sexual fantasy? What are Americans Fantasizing about? Shame about fantasy – and who feels more ashamed. Our our fantasies actually truth and should we act on them? The difference between fantasy and desire. Just because you have a fantasy about a threesome – should you do it? Humans are poor predictors of future emotional states – Justin Lehmiller What do people mean when they talk about “getting the spark” back. And is there a role for fantasy. Sex quality versus quantity. In his book Dr. Lehmiller talks about self disclosure and building trust….but it can seem fraught with backfire potential. Should you share your fantasy with you partner? How do you know if it is safe? Novelty – seems so simple but people have the same sex week in and out. Research shows couples who engage in the most acts of novelty tend to be the most sexually satisfied and the most successful at keeping the passion alive. The most common fantasy and the one that doesn’t work out well when done in real life – threesomes. Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life https://amzn.to/3ZkDW5K Sex and psychology podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sex-and-psychology-podcast/id1505460817 Did you get the You Are Not Broken Book Yet? https://amzn.to/3p18DfK Join my membership to get these episodes ASAP when they are created and without advertisement and even listen live to the interviews and episodes. www.kellycaspersonmd.com/membership --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kj-casperson/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	You are listening to You Are Not Broken, the only podcast that combines science, medicine, and psychology to re-educate your brain and help you live your best love life. And I'm your host, Ford certified female urologist, Dr. Kelly Casperson.
0:17.5	Hey, everybody, welcome back to You Are Not Broken. Today we're going to, it's very exciting,
0:21.5	because we're going to talk all about fantasy. And I have my friend Justin Lay Miller, who is author
0:26.0	of Tell Me What You Want, The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life.
0:31.4	Here it is. I bought this before I ever knew you, and I read it. And I actually was like, someday I'll have this guy on my podcast and I have
0:38.2	in here like I've marked the pages. And so you love like, you love how you do the work for yourself
0:43.3	in the past. And then you're like, this is easy now. I can just go and look at what I highlighted.
0:47.5	It's so awesome. So welcome. Thanks for coming. Yeah. Thanks so much for having me, Kelly.
0:52.5	Will you tell us what a social psychologist is?
0:55.6	Sure.
0:56.1	So there are lots of different types of psychologists out there, and they all specialize in somewhat different areas.
1:04.0	I was drawn specifically to social psychology from the very first just general psychology course I took because it's all about
1:12.0	understanding human social behavior. Why do we do the things that we do in everyday life?
1:19.6	And how do we build and form and maintain relationships, both romantic relationships
1:24.9	and the other relationships we have in our lives, I just found it to be super fascinating.
1:29.9	And so that's what you do as a social psychologist,
1:32.4	is you're really trying to understand how people think, behave, and feel,
1:36.3	and what motivates us and how our social interactions and connections work.
1:42.0	So I'm not in the business of treating mental disorders or
1:45.3	providing therapy. I'm really in the science and research realm, just trying to understand
1:50.5	human behavior more generally. I love it. I mean, this is what doctors and providers and therapists need,
1:55.9	right? Like, we need people to tell us, like, what's normal? What's average? This isn't the
	...

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