Hi friends, this episode is gonna be a fucking whirlwind. I don't have a notebook. I don't have this planned out

I don't know what's about to come out of my mouth

But I just need to get on here and vent a little. I need to talk to my friends

I need to talk to the people that fucking get the way my brain works

because I had some real big like things to face last night with myself

And I have some realizations and bitch when I tell you I had my first like

Full on

Emotional breakdown couldn't control it couldn't stop it panic like I had that for the first time

Since I can remember like I don't ever remember having a panic or like what is it called like just a fucking breakdown

You just can't stop and it's just like your panics and you're freaking the fuck out

I don't remember ever having that but bitch last night I had that

Just because this fucking boy. I Instagram messaged me

Okay, I had to make myself laugh so I didn't get sad but I

Had to be accountable and call myself out on some shit like I always preach accountability in my podcast

And I want you all to know I'd be the main one doing the shit like I do it too. It sucks for me too

so I'm gonna go into the realizations I had last night and

Break some shit down, but I'm gonna be like vulnerable with you guys

And I'm gonna be really honest about what I realized and

Kind of like the lies I've been telling myself and I like I had to face some scary fucking shit

And I had to go into a lot of hopelessness and it scared the fuck out of me

So I'm about to go to Cabo. So when you listen to this I'll be in Cabo

But I'm filming this or recording this on Tuesday

...