You'd mentioned that an answer I gave was pretty essentialist and because you'd asked me to do something and

What it was but I said I don't do that and you said oh, that's different than no

And I'm curious why me saying I don't do that is different than no and I have my own theories

But I'm curious what you think well

I think the difference is to say no to a request is

Sounds like I could do this I do it under many circumstances

But for you the answers no

Yeah, so it's taking to so it emphasizes the personal

Rejection

Because you're not giving any other explanation and even if you say well no because I have this other commitment

It still implies well there are many situations. I would still say yes

But if you use the phrase like you just did which is I just don't do that

Then you're it's identity

It's there's no circumstance in which that would work

So it's not personal to you. It's a strategic it's like a strategic reality

That we just we just need to

Work around

That is that is identity based right rather than

Circumstance based you have to make it a part of your identity because the second you go

Well, I'll do this for this person, but not for you then the other person says oh, I guess I'm not as close of a friend or I guess this is

Only something that certain people get and it becomes like this offensive a front or a challenge for them to overcome

But if I just don't do something full stop

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