2.9 Once Again About Cucumbers (and The Ghost Offensive)
The Eastern Border
Kristaps Andrejsons
4.7 • 877 Ratings
🗓️ 19 February 2026
⏱️ 28 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Greetings, comrades! The "Voice of the Eastern Border" has temporarily fallen victim to a biological attack (the flu), so today, Evita is taking over the microphone to translate Kristaps's angry, feverish gesturing into a brand new episode.
While the Russian propaganda machine continues to broadcast imaginary victories, the reality on the ground - and in the supermarket - is telling a very different, much darker story.
In this episode:
🥒 The Cucumber Apocalypse: Why cucumbers are suddenly costing 500 rubles ($5) in St. Petersburg, how energy prices are destroying Russian agriculture, and the government's hilarious advice to complain to the "Cucumber Union."
👻 The Ghost Offensive: The Ukrainian Armed Forces have quietly retaken 12 settlements while Russian commanders continue to lie to Moscow about their "layer cake" positions to avoid Gerasimov's wrath.
🚲 The "Runners" (Begunki): The "Digital Superpower" has devolved to using soldiers on stolen bicycles and combat donkeys to supply the zero-line, as the 30km drone kill-zone makes vehicles obsolete.
📡 Starlink & Telegram Chaos: How Gazprom's replacement satellite terminals are price-gouging soldiers for 240,000 rubles, and how the Telegram slowdown is destroying Z-army fundraising.
⚖️ Justice for None: Admiral Kovalenko steals 600 million rubles and walks free with a tiny fine, while wounded soldiers with literal holes in their skulls are patched up and sent back to the meat grinder.
🇬🇧 The British Nightmare: Doom-monger Maxim Kalashnikov panics over a potential Baltic naval blockade of the "Grey Fleet" and outlines the terrifying "Last Escalation" plan to confiscate Russian citizens' bank deposits to fund the war. Happiness is mandatory.
🚑 Car4Ukraine : https://car4ukraine.com/en-US/campaigns/christmas-tree-trucks-2025-the-eastern-border
Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/theeasternborder.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Love this podcast? Support this show through the ACAST supporter feature. It's up to you how much you give, and there's no regular commitment. Just click the link in the show description to support now. |
| 0:13.2 | Greetings, comrades. No, no, do not adjust your speakers. You are not hallucinating, and Christops has not been kidnapped by the FSB yet. |
| 0:22.6 | The voice of the eastern border has unfortunately fallen victim to a biological attack, |
| 0:28.6 | specifically a particularly nasty flu strain that I suspect was engineered in a biolab. |
| 0:35.6 | Or maybe he just leaked a doornop in Riga, knowing him possibly accidentally. |
| 0:41.2 | Either way, his throat is currently on a strike and he's not exactly a happy ray of sunshine at the moment. |
| 0:48.7 | So you are stuck with me. |
| 0:50.8 | I am Evita, Christop's wife, and for today I am the voice of Eastern border or maybe even |
| 0:58.5 | a mouth of Eastern border. Today we are going to talk about Russian army that has |
| 1:04.9 | gone blind an economy that cannot grow a cucumber yes and aniral who stole a fleet and went home for an app. |
| 1:14.3 | So let's get started and happiness, well, today is optional. |
| 1:20.6 | So let's look at the front line, or rather let's look at where the frontline used to be. |
| 1:26.1 | Because according to panic currently exploding in the Russian Z channels, nobody in the Russian general staff actually knows where their soldiers are. |
| 1:35.3 | We are calling this the ghost offensive. |
| 1:38.3 | For the last two weeks, a very strange silence has fallen over to Ukrainian side. There are no TikTok videos, no |
| 1:46.1 | official announcements from Kiev, no victory dances, but if you look at the reports from the |
| 1:52.1 | other side, from the Russian Vatnik bloggers, you see absolute terror. According to the opposition |
| 1:59.1 | journalist Alexander Nizorov and the analyst Michael |
| 2:02.5 | Naki, the Ukrainian armed forces have quietly retaken at least 12 settlements in Zaporizia and |
| 2:09.9 | Nipro regions. We are talking about villages that were deep in the red zone on the Russian |
| 2:17.1 | maps, places that were supposed to be |
| 2:19.4 | secure rear areas. |
... |
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