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The Eastern Border

2.12 Elves are useless: An Official Apology to Sauron and all the Orcs of Mordor

The Eastern Border

Kristaps Andrejsons

History, Documentary, Cold War, Ukraine, Soviet, News, Gonzo, War, Russia, Ussr, Society & Culture, Politics

4.6879 Ratings

🗓️ 26 February 2026

⏱️ 41 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Welcome to the geopolitical cesspool. Today, we are taking a hard look at the crumbling, jury-rigged mafia state operating just across the border, and the exiled "Good Russians" who think they are magically going to inherit it.

First, we dive into the blood-soaked mud of the zero-line with the leaked audio of Major General Roman Dimurchiev. From troops hunting for a prosecutor's missing underpants amidst artillery fire to commanders earning state medals for sapper-shovel executions, we examine the true operating system of the Russian military. Frankly, comparing these guys to the armies of Mordor is a massive, unforgivable insult to the logistical competence of the Uruk-hai

.

Then, we cross the border into Europe to check on the High Elves of Rivendell—the exiled Russian liberal opposition. While actual people are dying in the mud, the architects of the "Beautiful Russia of the Future" are busy playing Dungeons & Dragons in rented seminar rooms, running multi-million-dollar offshore laundromats, and hiring Baltic street thugs to kneecap their political rivals with meat hammers.


From the Z-patriots desperately rebranding themselves as the Mongol Horde, to the sheer, Bond-villain absurdity of the FSB utilizing South American dart frog neurotoxins, this episode is a deep dive into an empire built entirely out of stolen myths, hallucinations, and pure rot.


Support the War Effort: The Ukrainian military doesn't need PowerPoint presentations; they need armor. Please support Car4Ukraine as they weld heavy armor onto civilian pickup trucks and send them straight to the front line: 🛡️ https://car4ukraine.com/campaigns/christmas-tree-trucks-2025-the-eastern-border


Keep the Lights on at The Eagles: If you want to support independent, Eastern European Gonzo journalism (and fund the salami-fueled dog-walking logistics required to keep the host's sanity intact), you can back the show here: 🎙️ Website: theeasternborder.lv 🤝 Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/TheEasternBorder 🏗️ Fourth Wall: https://theeasternborder-shop.fourthwall.com/


Remember to keep your mental armor intact. Happiness is mandatory.

Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/theeasternborder.


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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Love this podcast?

0:01.7

Support this show through the ACAST supporter feature.

0:05.2

It's up to you how much you give, and there's no regular commitment.

0:09.1

Just click the link in the show description to support now.

0:13.2

Greetings, comrades, and welcome to another episode of The Eastern Border.

0:16.9

Now, I'm sorry for releasing them so fast, it's just that while you're listening to this,

0:21.1

I am on a four-hour train ride to Riga because I have quite a lot of business to do there.

0:26.0

And I wanted to get this one out before, you know, the month ends, because I, well, do need to eat on the next month.

0:35.0

And also, I'm not sure when the next one will come out, because I'm

0:38.4

not sure about when I'm going to return, so I could only record and post this today.

0:43.3

Anyways, this is also why it's audio only and why it's out right now.

0:48.3

But for now, for now, pour yourself a drink, because today we're diving headfirst into the

0:53.7

geopolitical cesspool,

0:55.1

and we're going to do it with a bit of a smile on our faces.

0:58.8

Today's episode, as you might have noticed, is elves are useless an official apology to Sauron

1:03.1

and all the Orcs of Mordor. And you'll see why very, very soon.

1:09.6

Today, I want to start not in the sterile air-conditioned European

1:14.3

cafes where the so-called Russian liberal position hangs to hang out and play, that

1:19.1

are little political games, I want to show you the actual operating system of the Russian state

1:23.5

in 2026. Because once again we have more evidence that it's an apocalyptic death

1:29.2

cult, which is run by sadistic mafia managers.

1:33.7

See, recently, the investigative project schemes got their hands on the leaked personal

...

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